Concrete Angel
by TheBeautifulNerd
Summary: Lily and Cal are in a relationship with each other. What happens though when Ethan finds out that Lily isn't entirely happy in the relationship and that Cal may not be the guy they thought he was? Rated T for abuse.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

Lily stared at herself in the mirror. She ran a hand over the blue bruise that was beginning to form on her right cheek, and sighed heavily to herself. When she was five, her parents had bought her a china doll. It was the first doll that she'd ever received, with long brown curls, pink lips, a smooth face and a lovely white, lacy dress with matching shoes. That doll now sat on the top shelf of Lily's bedroom cabinet and it stared at her as if it knew what had happened. The doll was special to Lily. After all, she'd kept it for twenty one years.

"You should have just listened to me," Cal said from behind her. He was leaning against the doorframe with his arms folded across his chest, watching Lily carefully as she examined her injury. "Shouldn't you?" Lily just nodded faintly, unable to speak. "I'm off to work now anyway."

Lily glanced up at the clock and saw that it was 8:30. She only had half an hour and she was still in her pyjamas. She hadn't even eaten breakfast yet.

"Aren't you going to wait for me?" She asked Cal expectantly, turning round to face him.

Cal just scoffed and began striding towards her. "Then I'll be late, won't I?" He asked. "You should know better than to turn up late for work. I guess I'll see you there, if you can be bothered to get changed any time soon."

"Can I have my phone then?" Lily whispered, but then noticed the look on Cal's face. "So I can ring Mrs Beauchamp and let her know that I'm going to be late."

"I don't think so," he answered and shook his head. "See you at work." He gave her bruised cheek a hard pat and exited her bedroom, the door slamming shut on his way out.

Lily sighed heavily to herself and flopped down on the edge of the bed. Part of her felt that there was no point in going into work, if she was going to be late anyway. It was Monday though and Monday was usually their busiest day. People were often admitted after getting drunk on a night out at the weekend and she couldn't really let the team down.

She stood up and left the room, making her way into the bathroom next door. She got the shower going and undressed before climbing in and letting the warm water run down her. Her face stung and she winced in pain as she slapped some water onto her bruise. As she climbed out of the shower and wrapped a towel round her, she reminded herself to cover up the injury with some make-up. People would ask questions otherwise and that would just make Cal even angrier.

She threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, did her make-up, grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and left the house. She quickly locked up and chucked her keys into her bag before climbing on her moped and heading off to work. With any luck, she'd only be about fifteen minutes late.

* * *

"Doctor Chao, you're late," Dylan reminded the junior doctor as she hurried out of the locker rooms, dressed in her scrubs. "What happened to your face?" Lily held a hand to her cheek, wondering how he was able to spot the bruise. Clearly, the make-up hadn't been enough to cover it. "You know what? Never mind. Just get to work and don't let it happen again."

"You okay?" Rita asked, walking up to Lily when Dylan had gone. "He really gave you a scolding there."

"It's fine," Lily whispered and shrugged her shoulders. "I was expecting it either from him or Mrs Beauchamp. It wasn't a massive surprise."

"Why were you late?" Rita asked. "I mean, it's unlike you at all and Cal managed to arrive on time."

"Did he not tell you?" Lily asked but Rita shook her head. "Oh, I um..." She caught sight of Cal in the distance, eyeing her up cautiously. "I overslept," she came out with. "I didn't hear the alarm and I told Cal to just get to work so he wouldn't be late."

"You must have been tired," Rita laughed. "Partying all weekend, were we?"

Lily giggled slightly but shook her head. "Not quite like that, no."

"Well, we were all going to go to the pub after work," Rita told Lily. "Are you up for it?"

"Yeah." Lily nodded. "Yeah. That'll be lovely, thank you."

Just as she spoke, Cal walked over and wrapped an arm round her. "Whoa, whoa, whoa," he said, kissing her good cheek. "What's this about going to the pub? I thought we had dinner plans. Can't have you leaving me now, can we?"

"Can't we do it another night?" Lily asked nervously, looking at Rita the whole time.

"We've made a reservation," Cal reminded her. "We can't go putting the restaurant about and cancelling it."

"Aww," Robyn pouted, handing a patients file to Rita. "So you guys really can't come?"

"Sorry," Lily whispered quietly under her breath. "Maybe another night?"

"Yeah," Cal agreed and stroked her hair. "Another night."

"You guys are such a cute couple," Robyn said, smiling at them both. "I wish I had a man who'd treat me nicely like Cal does."

"Sorry babe, I'm taken," Cal said jokingly, winking at Robyn. "I'm all yours, eh Lilykins?" Lily fidgeted uncomfortably but put on a fake smile and nodded at her boyfriend. "Hey, don't look too happy," he said sarcastically, nudging her arm.

"Stop teasing her," Rita laughed, whacking Cal on the arm with the file that she was holding. "You're lucky to have her, you know? At least she stopped you from being late this morning, that is what a good girlfriend is."

Lily was saved, just as Dixie and Jeff entered with a patient on a stretcher. She immediately fled from Cal's arms and hurried over to help.

"What do we have?" She asked Dixie, throwing herself into work.

"Ten year old Elizabeth Hayes," Dixie told Lily. "She was hit by a car going at sixty miles per hour. She has a possible broken leg and an injury to her head as well."

"Okay. Get her up on the bed for me," Lily ordered and turned to one of the nurses. "Can we get a CT scan organised for Elizabeth please?"

"Where's my mum?" Elizabeth asked, as she was hoisted up onto the hospital bed.

"You'll see her in a minute darling," Dixie said in a comforting voice.

The blue curtain was pulled across and the sound of heels were heard, as Connie Beauchamp arrived in the cubicle. Dixie and Jeff exchanged glances and Lily gulped nervously knowing what Connie was going to talk to her about. Elizabeth just smiled up at the clinical lead, thinking that she was something out of a fairytale with her long hair and her heels.

"Doctor Chao," Connie said, smiling down at the junior doctor. "Care to explain why you were late this morning?"

"Is now really the time?" Lily asked, taking a small torch out of her pocket and shining it in the ten year olds eyes. "I have a patient."

"Yes now is really the time," Connie said. "Because I can't have my staff turning up late."

Lily's chest tightened as she prayed that Connie wouldn't notice the bruise on her face. Dylan did so wasn't there a chance that Connie might as well?

"It won't happen again," Lily said, taking her focus away from Elizabeth for a second. "Sorry Mrs Beauchamp. I just woke up late. I promise that it won't happen again."

"Didn't you think to text me?" Connie questioned her. "Or ring reception to let someone know that you were going to be late?"

"I lost my phone," Lily lied quickly in a soft voice. "Sorry."

"Just make sure that it doesn't happen again," Connie spat harshly and turned on her heels to leave the cubicle. Lily let out a sigh of relief, glad that she hadn't noticed her bruised cheek.

"She's pretty," Elizabeth told Lily, as Lily turned back to continue treating her.

"Trust me," Lily sighed, managing a small smile for the girl. "You wouldn't want to be working with her."

 **Well, there is the first chapter up. I will say this now before I get moaned at, but I absolutely adore Cal haha. This story does not mean that I hate him. I love him. It was just an idea that sprung to mind and I hadn't read any like it. Ethan will be in the next chapter so don't panic :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**theverystuffoflife: Thank you and of course we all know that haha. I'm glad I've made it convincing though. Ahh I wasn't watching it when they did that storyline so I may have a look, thank you for that :)**

 **ETWentHome: Thank you. I have many more ideas to come :)**

 **CBloom2: Ooo yeah I remember that storyline. It made me laugh when the patient asks "what does that mean" and Ethan just says "it means I'm back" and then realises what he said and awkwardly starts explaining the condition haha :)**

 **CasualtyFanForever81: Aw I do like Cal. He isn't my favourite character but I tolerate him :)**

 **GypsyAbby: Yeah I didn't think it'd be as strong if it was just some random, made up character of mine. And I like the idea of a love triangle between Lily, Cal and Ethan. And exactly, she does like to keep her life private and that was my thought :)**

 **niamhmcshane22: Thank you :)**

 **I am so pleased that people like this story. Honestly I felt quite scared, thinking that people wouldn't like it. Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews. Here is the next chapter :)**

 **Chapter Two**

"Thanks for dinner," Lily thanked Cal quietly, when they arrived home that evening. Cal smiled and rubbed her shoulder as they shut the front door behind them. Lily awkwardly stood in the hallway, unsure of what to say.

"Anything for my princess," he said and kissed her on the forehead. "What movie do you want to watch tonight? We can watch the sound of music. I know how much you love that film."

Lily shook her head and pulled back, feeling slightly uncomfortable. "Um...I...I think I might just head to bed actually," she whispered. "I fancy an early night."

"Really?" Cal asked, taking a mobile phone out of his pocket and glancing at the screen. It was Lily's. "This has been going off all day. Tess is trying to get hold of you."

"What's she want?" Lily asked him.

"She's asking if you wanted to meet up for a coffee at some point," Cal said, biting his lip and glancing across at Lily. "Funny that."

Lily shrugged her shoulders awkwardly. "Is it?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, you and Tess don't spend that much time together," Cal said, shrugging back at her. "I can't remember the last time you two hung out."

"We've just been talking more at work, that's all," Lily pointed out. "Now, give me my phone back." She went to snatch it out of his hand but he stepped back and held it above his head. "Cal!"

"Does she know something?" Cal snapped. "What have you told her?"

"Nothing!" Lily screamed at him. "She just wants to meet for a coffee. That is it!"

"You are a pathetic waste of space. Do you know that?" Cal spat, pushing her against the wall and slapping her hard across the face. "Why the fuck are you lying to me?"

"I'm not lying," Lily cried out, wincing as pain shot through her. "Let me go."

"Get to fucking bed," Cal yelled, pulling at her hair and shoving her into the wall one more time. "I'm sick of looking at you. Just get out of my sight." Lily nodded faintly as tears pricked her eyes and she folded her arms protectively across her stomach. Cal ran both hands through his hair and flopped down on the sofa in the living room with a heavy sigh.

Lily sniffed and turned to go upstairs to her bedroom. She remembered how happy she was when Cal had moved in with her, but now she regretted it. She slammed her bedroom door shut and burst into tears, collapsing onto the bed. The china doll just continued to stare at her as she lay hugging the pillow, sobbing heavily into it. All she had ever wanted was to find a man who truly loved her, and she thought that she'd finally found that when she met Cal.

"Lily!" She heard Cal bellow to her.

She quickly sat upright and wiped away her tears, praying that Cal wouldn't notice she'd been crying.

"Stop that blubbering!" He shouted, storming into the room and hitting her in the back. "What have I told you about crying?"

"S...Sorry," Lily stammered, wiping her eyes again. "Sorry. I'll stop."

"You're pathetic," he scoffed. "You're the one who makes me angry so I don't know why you're crying for. I took you out for a nice meal tonight and I paid and you're just ruining it all!"

"Sorry," Lily apologised, looking up at him with a tear stained face. "Thank you for tonight. It...It's been a lovely evening. Honestly."

"Baby," Cal soothed, stroking her hair and sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I just want what's best for you. I don't want you getting hurt." Lily nodded as Cal leaned in and kissed her on the lips. "You can understand that, right?" He said, after pulling away from her.

"Yeah," Lily whispered and nodded at him. "I understand."

"Get some sleep, hmmm," he said, kissing her forehead. "Maybe you'll feel better in the morning."

"Maybe," she agreed, shrugging her shoulders. "Are you going to bed?"

"I'll be up later tonight," he said. "I have a film to watch. Can I trust you to be on your own?" Lily nodded, trying to hide the fact that she was smiling. Going to bed early was the only opportunity to get some alone time and some time away from Cal. "Night night beautiful."

"Night," Lily whispered and Cal left the room to go downstairs.

Lily waited until the door was shut before lying back on the bed. She took in the sound of quiet and brought out the notebook that she kept in the locked drawer by her bed. She flicked through it and decided that she wasn't really in the mood to write in it at that moment. Instead, she locked it back in the drawer and pulled out her reading book. Even though she was tired and in need of sleep, she wanted to spend as much time as possible doing whatever she wanted.

* * *

"Lily!" Ethan called, hurrying over to the junior doctor at work the next morning. "Hey um..." He made eye contact with her and realised that she wasn't really paying that much attention. "Are you okay?"

Lily faintly nodded her head and faked a smile. "Just tired," she admitted. "What's up?"

"I needed your opinion on this patient," Ethan said, showing the notes to Lily. "I was thinking about sending her for a CT scan. What do you think?"

"Yeah," Lily sighed. "Go for it."

"Go for it?" Ethan asked, chuckling a little. "This is about a patients health, not about whether I should go to Legoland for a summer trip."

"You're a good doctor Ethan," Lily said. "Just do what you think is best. Okay?"

"But I would like a second opinion as well if it isn't too much trouble," Ethan said. "Look Lily. We're all tired here but the patients are our main priority. If you're really that tired, you shouldn't be here."

"I'm allowed to be tired," Lily said, taking another look at the notes. "I agree, yeah? Do a CT scan." She pushed the notes at Ethan's chest and walked off to carry on with what she was doing.

"What's her problem?" Tess asked, arriving at Ethan's side.

Ethan shrugged his shoulders, looking in the direction Lily went. "She's tired," he sighed. "That is what she told me anyway."

"Hmmm. I was trying to contact her last night," Tess said. "She still hasn't replied. I was meaning to talk to her today but if she's in that mood, I don't think I'll bother now."

"She'll calm down eventually," Ethan said. "I'd just wait until then."

Tess nodded in agreement and headed back to work. Feeling concerned for Lily, Ethan decided to wait until she'd calmed down before asking her any more work related questions.


	3. Chapter 3

**CasualtyFanForever81: Thank you :)**

 **ETWentHome: Yeah I think I prefer caring Cal haha, but even then Lily is probably scared by that. Thanks for reviewing the story :)**

 **CBloom2: I love Ethan, and I bet he will proper flip :)**

 **niamhmcshane22: Yep! Hehe :)**

 **GypsyAbby: Yeah I don't think Lily wants anyone interfering. I'm sure people will help Lily, she just needs to accept it :)**

 **Chapter Three**

"So how was your date?" Robyn teased and nudged Lily's arm. Lily didn't answer her at first. She was stood at the coffee machine in the staff room, in the middle of making herself a coffee. It wasn't until Robyn nudged her the second time, she answered.

"What date?" She asked in a quiet voice.

"You know what date," Robyn laughed. "We all went to the pub and you and Cal both buggered off to dinner. Did you have a good time?" Lily faintly nodded, even though she was kidding herself. She didn't have a good time at all, but she couldn't let Robyn know that. "Are we expecting a wedding any time soon?"

"Wedding?" Lily asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well...Yeah..." Robyn shrugged her shoulders and had a sip of her tea. "You moved in together. Surely, you're going to get married. Right?"

"It's complicated," Lily whispered and finished off making her coffee. She exhaled deeply, leant back against the counter and had a small sip. "I...I don't think I'm ready to get married quite yet."

"You're still young," Robyn said. "Plenty of time. I'm sure Cal will make a good husband though. He's such a good guy."

"He is," Lily whispered, her eyes fixated on a dirty spot on the ground. "The greatest. I don't deserve him."

"What do you mean by that?" Robyn asked.

Lily snapped out of her trance and glanced across at Robyn. She hadn't wanted her to hear what she'd said, but somehow she had done. Had she spoken that loudly?

"You don't deserve him?" Robyn repeated Lily's words, although this time it was more of a question.

"I...I'm just not an overly nice person," Lily said quietly, shrugging her shoulders and getting back to staring at the dirty spot. "And I'm not pretty like other women out there. He could have done better." Lily tipped the rest of her coffee contents down the sink and walked out, leaving Robyn totally shocked and bewildered.

* * *

Cal saw Lily exit the staff room after her chat with Robyn. Before she could go anywhere, he blocked her path and kissed her so it didn't look suspicious. Lily whimpered a little but reluctantly kissed him back.

"What's wrong babe?" He asked, wrapping an arm round her. "Been speaking to Robyn, hmm? What did you say to her?" Lily shrugged her shoulders, praying that a huge hole would just open up in the ground and swallow her. "Speak to me," he hissed in her ear and subtly pinched her arm.

"Ow," Lily yelped, pulling away from him.

"You're pretty useless really, aren't you?" He whispered in her ear, keeping his arm round her neck. "You're not good at anything. You're not even a good doctor. Right?"

"Right," Lily whispered, hanging her head.

"I'll let you get back to work," Cal said and kissed her head, before walking away.

Lily wiped her eyes and walked into the nearest cubicle. Connie and Rita were in there, currently treating a patient but they looked pleased to see her.

"Right. Could you help Rita?" Connie asked. "I was going to get Ethan but now that you're here."

Lily nodded. "Um...Ethan would probably be the better option though," she whispered.

"Why?" Connie asked, eyeing her up and down.

"He'll just be better at it than me," Lily said in an even quieter voice. "I...I don't know if I can do the job properly."

"I'm sure you can," Connie sighed and rolled her eyes, before leaving the room.

"What were you talking about just then darling?" Rita asked Lily, after overhearing the entire conversation. "You're a good doctor. I don't know why you're putting yourself down like that."

"Just don't think I am, that's all," Lily admitted and went to take a look at the patients notes.

Rita partly wanted to think that Lily was saying all of that to get attention, that she wanted someone to tell her how good she was. Seeing the look on her face and hearing the sadness in her voice though made her think otherwise.

"Well..." Rita started to say with a smile. "I think you're a fantastic doctor and I don't tell lies. We're all pretty good doctors and nurses around here."

"Don't you wish that you were good at something else though?" Lily asked. "Not just your job."

"Well, I am," Rita said. "I'm good at art. I like to draw and paint, and I also sing sometimes. Everyone has their strong points." Lily just awkwardly shrugged her shoulders, looking between the notes and the sleeping patient. "What are you good at then, apart from your job of course?" Rita asked the junior doctor.

Lily looked up from the notes and just stared blankly at her. "Nothing," she replied and got back to reading the notes.

"Well there must be something," Rita said.

"Trust me." Lily shook her head at her. "There isn't. Ask anyone who knows me and they'll agree with you."

"Where is all this coming from Lily?" Rita asked her, but Lily just shrugged her shoulders. "You should think more of yourself," Rita muttered and left the cubicle, bumping into Cal on the way out. "How's Lily been recently?" Rita asked him.

"Fine," Cal replied. "Why do you ask?"

"She's just...Nothing..." Rita whispered, trailing off.

"No." Cal shook his head. "Tell me. She's my girlfriend and I care about her. What's going on?"

"She just keeps saying how she isn't good at anything," Rita said. "Wanting Ethan to do the job because she thinks that he'll do it better."

"Lily loves herself," Cal laughed.

"Not enough clearly," Rita scoffed. "I was just wondering if you could talk to her. Make her see more sense if possible."

Cal shrugged his shoulders. "I could give it a go," he said. "But I can't promise anything. Lily's stubborn and it can be extremely difficult to change her mind."

* * *

Lily rushed into the bathroom and broke down into sobs. Angrily, she flung her stethoscope causing it to hit the wall and drop to the floor. Looking at herself in the mirror, she saw what a state she was. Her face still looked slightly bruised, her hair was a mess, her eyes were red and watery and had massive bags under them. She was a complete disappointment. No wonder Cal hit her.

"It's my fault," she sobbed wearily, coming to a realisation. "He hates me. I don't even blame him."

She walked towards the mirror above one of the sinks and ran a hand over her face. Sighing heavily, she thought about how lovely it would be to smash her head against the mirror. Shards of glass would be sticking out of her skin, she'd be bleeding heavily and hopefully she'd die. Then Cal would be pleased. Everyone would be pleased. She swallowed hard and picked up her stethoscope, hanging it back round her neck and wiping her nose on the back of her hand. She didn't even hear the door open.

"Lily," Connie's voice was heard.

Lily gasped in horror and turned round to see Connie standing in the doorway of the bathroom.

Connie didn't even smile at her. She stared at Lily though with a mixture of concern and frustration. All she said was, "when you have a moment," before walking straight out again.


	4. Chapter 4

**ETWentHome: Haha I don't know how you spell it either. Maybe Connie does suspect something, we'll just have to wait and see :)**

 **CasualtyFanForever81: Thank you. I love writing cliffhangers :)**

 **Is - there - somewhere -x: She is gorgeous. I'm so jealous of her looks. And I hate killing Jeff off in my stories, so he's alive in this one :)**

 **Chapter Four**

Lily stood awkwardly in front of Connie's desk. The silence was awfully uncomfortable and she was sure that Connie suspected something. The worst thing was that Connie was finishing off some paperwork before choosing to talk to Lily, and she was certain that she was doing it on purpose.

"Right," Connie sighed, as she finished off what she was doing. "So, Rita has come to be with a few concerns...About you."

"What do you mean?" Lily whispered and folded her arms across her chest. She knew exactly what Connie was talking about though. It was about her conversation with Rita earlier.

"Well, apparently you've been saying some stuff," Connie said. "About being a rubbish doctor, about not being good at anything...Stuff like that." Lily just shrugged her shoulders. "Care to explain?"

"She...She's just exaggerating..." Lily stuttered.

Connie scoffed and shook her head. "I doubt it very much Lily," she said. "Before I left you'd asked if Ethan could do the job because he would have been better at it."

"It's true though," Lily said quietly and then noticed the concerned look on Connie's face. "Sorry," she apologised. "It's nothing."

"What's going on Lily?" Connie asked. "Are you not happy with yourself or something?"

"All I said was that Ethan could have done a better job," Lily practically shouted. "There are other good doctors in this hospital!"

"Okay, okay. Don't shout at me Lily," Connie calmed her. "It was just the way you phrased it, that's all." Lily was silent. "Okay," Connie sighed. "You can go if you're absolutely certain you're okay."

"I'm fine," Lily lied.

Connie nodded and gestured to the door. Lily thanked her quietly and walked out, exhaling deeply as she searched the ED. Everyone was busy treating patients, checking notes, discharging people. She spotted Cal over at the reception desk talking to Ethan about a patient and decided to walk in the other direction. She walked outside for a bit of fresh air and spotted Robyn and Max leaning up against the wall taking a coffee break.

"Hi Lily," Robyn said kindly. "Come to join us?"

"Needed some fresh air," Lily said.

"Cigarette?" Max asked, offering his cigarette to her.

"Um...I...I don't usually smoke..." Lily said, holding her hand up to him. "Thanks for the offer though."

"Sure?" Max asked, taking a drag. "It's a great way of relieving stress."

"Is it though?" Robyn asked, grimacing as the smell of smoke hit her face. "Are you okay Lily?" Robyn asked her. "You look exhausted."

Lily started to become panicky, wondering if Robyn knew something. "You know what, I've changed my mind about that cigarette."

"Really?" Max raised an eyebrow. Lily nodded but as Max was about to offer it to her, Cal walked over.

"What are you doing baby?" He asked, placing an arm round her shoulder and kissing her cheek.

"Talking to Max and Robyn," Lily said quickly, subtly shaking her head at Max to stop him from saying something. Max nodded in an understanding way and carried on smoking, having the odd sip of his coffee every now and then.

"Get that smokey substance away from my girl, okay?" Cal said to Max.

"Sorry," he apologised with a small smirk.

"I'll be in soon, okay?" Lily said to Cal. "I'm just on my break."

"I love you princess," Cal said and kissed her on the lips. He then ruffled his hair before heading on inside. Lily sighed a sigh of relief, thinking that he would never go back inside.

"Still want a smoke?" Max asked and Lily nodded.

"Have you ever smoked before Lily?" Robyn asked and she shook her head.

Max passed her the cigarette that he'd been smoking and told her what to do. Lily had a smoke, coughing slightly and pulling a face.

"It takes a while to get used to it," Max said. "Just don't breathe it in too much. How about I light one up for you? Then I can get that one back." Lily nodded and handed it back to Max. Max thanked her and lit up another one with his lighter, handing it over to Lily. Lily breathed deeply and had a drag, without coughing this time. "There we go," Max said. "You've got it. Feels good, huh?"

"Yeah." Lily nodded with a smile and took another smoke. She then leaned back against the wall beside Max. "It does."

"So why has sensible, straightforward Doctor Chao decided to take up smoking?" Max questioned teasingly.

"I haven't taken it up," Lily snapped. "It's just a one time thing and none of your business."

"That's what they all say," Max said.

"But..." Lily looked across nervously at Max. "Please don't say anything to Cal. He won't like this."

"I won't, don't worry," Max said. "He is your boyfriend though so he should really respect your decision."

"I can't believe you're smoking," Robyn said to Lily. "Why? It's such a disgusting habit." Lily just shrugged her shoulders. "Well, I hope you don't take it up. I don't agree with smoking whenever you get stressed."

"Don't sweat," Lily said. "Like I told Max, it's just a one time thing and that is all."

 **Hope you liked the chapter guys :) sad there's no Casualty on tonight so I'm updating loads instead.**


	5. Chapter 5

**GypsyAbby: Yeah I feel sorry for her and I'm the one writing her haha. I kind of hate Rita sometimes but when she worries for her staff she's really nice. At least Casualty is back now :)**

 **ETWentHome: Yeah I can't even imagine how Cal will act if he does find out. Sorry it's taken ages to update this story :)**

 **CasualtyFanForever81: Glad you like the updates :)**

 **Tanith Panic: I hate smoking haha. I don't do it myself but I know lots of people who do :)**

 **Chapter Five**

"Max," Lily called and hurried over to the porter. He was standing at reception chatting away to Robyn and Lofty, but Lily didn't bother to tell him that he should be working. "Can I borrow your lighter?" She asked.

"Well, well, well," Max said, winking at her. "What was that you said about not taking up smoking?"

"Can I borrow your lighter?" Lily repeated in an annoyed tone, gritting her teeth together.

"Sure," he chuckled and handed his lighter over. "But..." Lily was about to walk off but she stopped and rolled her eyes, waiting for Max to continue. "If you are going to take it up, I advise you buy your own lighter. I got mine cheap online."

"Sure," Lily said, before walking off.

"Why encourage her like that?" Robyn asked. "Lily has never smoked before and I don't overly want her to start smoking now. It's so out of character for her."

"Hey she's a grown woman," Lofty pointed out. "Old enough to make her own decisions. I'm not saying it's a good decision but Lily's sensible. Hopefully she'll realise that smoking isn't the way forward, no matter how stressed she is."

"I hope so," Robyn sighed.

* * *

Lily leant back against the wall and sighed heavily. It was strange how good smoking made you feel, the stress had just disappeared from her body. She knew that Cal would be angry if he found out, but that was why she was working so hard to make sure that didn't happen. She had a last drag and dropped the cigarette to the ground, putting it out with her foot. Time to get back to work, she thought as she walked back inside.

"Hold it!" Connie called as they walked past each other. Lily stopped dead in her tracks and took a couple of steps backwards so she was face to face with Connie. "Something is not right," Connie said, waving her pen at Lily. "What's that smell?"

"What...What smell?" Lily stammered, shifting from one foot to the other.

"That smoke smell," Connie elaborated. "It's just pouring off you. Have you been smoking?"

"Um..." Lily didn't know what to say to her.

"Go and get a breath mint Lily," Connie ordered.

"How come Doctor Hanna and Max are allowed to smoke?" Lily argued back. "And I just get yelled at."

"Okay number one, I am not yelling," Connie pointed out. "And number two, they smoke on breaks and you're not due your break for another twenty minutes. Besides, you don't even smoke."

"How do you know?" Lily muttered.

"Well you've never done it before," Connie mentioned. "And quite frankly Lily you don't seem the type of person to take up that habit, let alone experience with it."

"I wish everyone would just stop telling me that!" Lily shouted. "Maybe I want to take up smoking, maybe I want to go out drinking every night before coming in the next morning with a terrible hangover, maybe I want to change who I am!"

"Lily," Connie said quietly in a calm voice. "Take a quick break and I will see you in my office in ten minutes."

Lily sighed and threw her head back as Connie walked off. Now she'd done it, now she was in trouble and would probably lose her job over it as well. The only thing she could think about as well was how much she needed a cigarette. She turned and leant back against the wall, exhaling deeply. Rita was at her side in seconds.

"You okay?" She asked.

Lily faintly nodded her head and stood up straight. "Fine," she lied. "Although I'm probably going to get fired now."

"Well that was quite an outburst Lily," Rita said. "I don't think you'll get fired though. You're a good doctor. Connie wouldn't want to lose you." Lily just shrugged her shoulders. "Do you want me to come and see Connie with you, just for some moral support?"

"No thank you." Lily shook her head. "I'll be okay. Thanks for the offer though."

"Go and take your break," Rita said and gave Lily's arm a rub. "I'll come and see how it went with Connie later."

Lily nodded and tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear, before walking off to the staff room. She made her way inside and jumped as soon as she saw Cal standing there having a coffee.

"Sorry," she apologised and was about to back out. "Um...Wrong room."

"Now now Lils," Cal said. He tipped the rest of his coffee down the sink, walked over and shut the door so he was towering over Lily. "You're not scared of your own boyfriend, are you?"

"N...No," Lily stuttered, trying to cower away.

"What's that smell?" Cal asked.

"Nothing," Lily lied quickly. "I um...I was standing with Max and Robyn and um...Max had been smoking."

"Because you wouldn't smoke, would you?" Cal asked, kissing up and down Lily's cheek.

"No," she lied again, gulping nervously.

"Stop shaking," Cal ordered and pushed her harder into the wall, causing her to let out a small pained whimper. "You're absolutely pathetic," he spat at her. He grabbed hold of her arm and twisted it, making sure to leave red marks.

"You're hurting me," she cried out quietly. "Cal. Stop it."

He finished off twisting her arm and yanked at her hair, shoving her to the floor. Lily looked up at him with tears in her eyes and Cal just opened the door and walked out, slamming it shut behind him. Tears fell from Lily's eyes as she scrambled to her feet and took a seat on the sofa. Her arm was red and bleeding from where Cal had digged his nails in. A small bruise was also forming. The door opened and Connie walked in. Lily immediately held her arm behind her back, not wanting her to see the injuries.

"What?" Lily asked, blinking back her tears quickly.

"What?" Connie repeated, raising her eyebrows at her. "Lily, for goodness sake. I told you earlier that I wanted you in my office within ten minutes. You're late. Come on please, stop faffing and get moving." Lily didn't move from her seat. "Now!" Connie yelled. Lily faintly nodded her head and brushed past Connie to go to the office. Connie rolled her eyes and walked out after her. "Now, I am going to try and forget about your little outburst earlier."

"Sorry," Lily whispered quietly, as Connie took a seat at her desk.

"What's going on with you?" Connie asked.

Lily shrugged her shoulders. "Nothing," she said and bit her lip. She kept her hands behind her back so that Connie wouldn't notice her arm.

"Smoking, yelling, not listening to a single word I said," Connie listed. "We all know that's not you Lily. What's the problem?"

"There is no problem," Lily reassured her. "Please Mrs Beauchamp. Can...Can we just leave it?"

"Lily. Please stand up straight, stop stuttering, put your arms at your sides and look professional," Connie said sternly. "Right now you look like a child who has just been told off at school."

"I'd rather not," Lily spoke quietly, receiving a sharp glare from Connie.

"And I'd rather not have you speak back to me like that," Connie said. "Now do as I say Lily."

Lily hesitated but stopped fidgeting and stood up straighter. She swallowed hard and moved her arms to her side so Connie had a full look at what Cal had done.

"What happened to your arm?" She asked, suddenly sounding quite concerned.

"It doesn't matter," Lily said in a choked up voice.

"Lily..."

"I said it's fine!" Lily yelled in a rage. She then turned on her heels and stormed out of the office, deciding to just leave work early and go home.


	6. Chapter 6

**ETWentHome: Yeah I hope so and thank you, loads more to come :)**

 **CasualtyFanForever81: She will soon :)**

 **GypsyAbby: Yeah I have to get Connie involved, mainly because she's my other favourite character. I love her so much haha. And yeah that's what I think when people act out of character, it's sort of good because people do notice something is wrong. She won't be telling anyone for a while yet though :)**

 **Tanith Panic: Thank you so much. I love Cal and I don't want people to start hating him because of this story haha. It's kind of hard writing him like this because everyone knows he wouldn't hurt a fly in the show :)**

 **Chapter Six**

Lily struggled to get up for work the next morning. She felt scared to walk into the ED, after yelling at Connie and then storming out halfway through the shift. She stayed tucked up under the covers at 8:30am, just as Cal walked in.

"So?" He asked, shrugging his shoulders. "Are you not working today then?"

"I don't feel well," Lily whispered, sitting up and holding her stomach. She wanted it to look convincing.

"Do you want a cup of tea?" He asked. Lily looked up at him nervously, wondering if it was a trap. "I'll get you one," he offered and left the room to go downstairs. Lily sat upright in bed and glanced towards the door. Had Cal changed? Had he finally realised the damage he was doing to her? She chewed on her nails anxiously, just as Cal walked back into the room. He sat down on the edge of the bed and continued to stir the tea in complete silence. Lily eyed him up cautiously as he stirred. He soon took the spoon out of the hot drink and pressed it to the back of her hand.

"Fuck!" She screamed out in pain, pulling her hand away.

"Can I even trust you to stay home alone?" He asked. "I mean it Lily! I don't want you seeing anyone and I don't want you calling anyone."

"How can I?" She whispered, rubbing at her burnt hand. "You took my phone."

"Don't take that tone with me!" He shouted angrily. "I'm going to lock this bedroom door, okay? You won't be coming out of this room until I return home."

"What about food?" She asked him. Luckily she had an en-suite so she didn't need to worry about using the bathroom. "You can't do that Cal!"

"Watch me," he hissed and slammed the mug down on the bedside table, causing it to slosh everywhere. "Don't look at me like that you pathetic little wretch," he spat. "And stop your stupid blubbering!" He stormed out and slammed the door shut, locking it behind him.

Lily burst into tears and curled up in a ball on the bed. She wasn't even sure why she'd agreed to the lock in the first place. Her bedroom door never used to have a lock on it but Cal had insisted on buying one because apparently privacy was important. She wasn't expecting him to buy one that only locked on the outside though. She knew that he only did it because he cared though. He loved her, didn't he?

She felt guilty about staying home, wondering whether she should have asked Cal for her phone so that she could text Connie. If she had gone in though, Connie would have wanted to talk to her about yesterday and she couldn't handle that. She sniffed and wiped her watery eyes, staring up at the glass cabinet that her doll sat in. She stood up and walked over, opening the cabinet as carefully as possible. She picked up the delicate doll and held it out in front of her, realising how much they had in common. They were both like locked up prisoners. If she had been a doll, Cal would have caused her to shatter into millions of pieces by now. Sometimes, she thought that would have been for the best anyway. She sighed heavily and held the door to her chest, burying her face in the hair of it and breaking down into floods of tears. She wanted to cry so much that it'd cause her to drown, so a river would form and she would just float off to a far away land, away from everything.

* * *

"Doctor Knight!" Connie called out, storming over to Cal. Cal had been in the middle of going over some patients notes with his brother but he turned to face Connie as soon as he heard her voice. "Lily," Connie said. "Where is she?"

"Um...At home..." Cal stuttered. "She wasn't feeling too good this morning."

"How convenient," she said, glaring at him.

"What do you mean?" Cal asked.

"Nothing," she sighed and shook her head. "We just had a little incident yesterday."

"Do you want me to talk to her?" Cal offered, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. "I'm sure she'll listen to me."

"No...Thank you Caleb," Connie said with a small smile. "I'd rather talk to her myself. Do you know when she'll be back at work?"

Cal shrugged his shoulders. "Tomorrow I assume," he said.

"She better be," Connie said and walked off. She had better things to be doing, than worry about her staff.

"Can I um...Ask you something?" Ethan said to Cal, who nodded his head. "Is Lily okay?" Cal stayed silent but nodded again. "She just hasn't been herself lately. I was wondering if she'd said anything to you."

"She hasn't said anything," Cal said. "I'm sure she's fine. I wouldn't worry."

"You're not even a little bit concerned?" Ethan asked. "I mean, as her boyfriend."

"If I bring up the subject, she won't tell me," Cal pointed out. "You know what Lily's like dude. She refuses to have anyone feeling concerned and wanting to help her."

"It still doesn't mean that we should just let her suffer in silence," Ethan said.

"I'm getting back to work," Cal sighed and slammed the folder shut. "I'm sure Lily's fine. I'll talk to her tonight though and see if I can get anything out of her."

Ethan managed a smile and nodded his head. "Okay."

* * *

 _Dear Diary,_

 _Cal just keeps getting worst. He hit me ten times over and over again the other day and this morning when I thought he'd finally changed, he pressed a red hot tea spoon to my hand. I'm only just managing to write this, my hand hurts so much._

 _I don't know what else to do. Part of me just wants to end it all, end my life altogether. I realise that isn't always the answer though. When I go into the bathroom, I spot the razor sitting on the sink and I pray that I might accidentally cut myself with it. I pray that I'll just keep bleeding out and that there isn't anything anyone could do to save me._

 _I dream about stuff like that sometimes. I wake up with a huge smile on my face and then remember how it was all a dream and that I'm actually still alive. Then Cal comes in and I've done something wrong to anger him. I'm never quite sure what but it's usually something. That's why he hits me right? I'm a disgrace._

 _I should probably try and get some sleep, as sleep is the only thing that makes me happy right now._

 _Over and out and speak more tomorrow._

 _Lily x_


	7. Chapter 7

**CBloom2: I don't like this Cal either. Thank god he isn't like it in the show haha :)**

 **ETWentHome: There are going to be a few diary entries from Lily. Her diary plays a big part in this story. Glad you liked the chapter :)**

 **GypsyAbby: It might make him come to his senses but I think Lily keeps it locked away and hidden so he'll never find it. Glad you think the story is progressing. I never think it does so it's nice that my readers think that :)**

 **Chapter Seven**

Cal eyed Lily up and down when she walked into the living room. He wasn't sure what she was playing at but she didn't look like his girlfriend anymore. She was dressed from head to toe in black, she wore a baggy, zip-up, hooded jacket, black converse, pink and black checked sweatbands and her hair dangled loosely in her face.

"You going to work like that then?" Cal asked, chuckling slightly.

Lily just shrugged her shoulders and whispered, "it doesn't matter. I'll be changing into my scrubs when I get there anyway."

"True," Cal sighed, rummaging through a bunch of receipts that he'd found in Lily's bag. "Who did you go for a coffee with?" He asked, holding up a receipt.

"Tess," Lily told him truthfully.

"And who did you go for a pizza with?" Cal asked, holding up another one.

"A couple of girls I was friends with at university," Lily said. "We hadn't seen each other in ages."

"What's this?" Cal scoffed. "A receipt for a cigarette lighter and a box of cigarettes."

"That's not for me..." Lily stuttered, knowing that she should have thrown that receipt away. "They're a present for Max."

"Oh give it up Lily!" He yelled, getting up close and personal in her face. "You've been smoking! We even have the receipt to prove it here!"

"I'm sorry," Lily sobbed, cowering away. "I'm sorry. Please don't hit me."

"You're absolutely pathetic," Cal spat and shoved her hard onto the floor. "I don't EVER want to see you smoking in this fucking house! Do you understand?" Lily nodded faintly into the carpet, tears streaming down her face. "I said do you understand?!"

"Yes!" Lily screamed in hysterics. "Yes! I understand...I...I do."

"Get the fuck up," Cal cursed, hauling her up by the arm. "We have work."

* * *

Connie's eyes turned straight towards Lily when she walked into the ED. Not only had she yelled at her, stormed out and then not shown up yesterday, she was dressed disgracefully for work.

"What on earth do you think you're wearing?" She asked, making her way over to Lily with crossed arms.

"I didn't think it'd matter," Lily whispered nervously. "I'll be getting into uniform anyway."

"What happened yesterday?" Connie questioned, changing the subject quite quickly. "Cal said you were ill."

Lily nodded. "I was."

"Funny how you're ill the day after shouting at your boss," Connie said sarcastically. "And then you went and stormed out halfway through your shift. Where did you go?"

"Home," Lily muttered, avoiding eye contact.

"Right," Connie sighed. "Well no one leaves the ED unless it's their break or the end of their shift. You should know that Lily."

"I wasn't feeling well anyway," Lily lied. "Then you told me off and I...I just felt worst, so I thought that I'd go home and get some rest."

"Then why did you not tell me that?" Connie asked in quite a patronising voice. "Go and get changed and we'll talk more about this later."

Lily went to change into her scrubs in complete silence. She kept the sweatbands on though and then slipped her jacket on over the top to try and hide her injuries. She couldn't have anyone noticing them or Cal would flip, blame her for letting them see. She stared at herself in the mirror and thought about how ugly she looked, no wonder Cal hit her. Sighing heavily, she scrunched her hair up messily into a low ponytail and walked out.

"Lily," Zoe sighed when she saw her exit. "The sweatbands and the hoodie can come off please."

"Why?" Lily asked, wrapping her arms round her middle. "You're not clinical lead anymore so stop telling me what to do."

"Lose the attitude please Lily," Zoe said.

"I don't understand why you can't just all leave me alone!" Lily yelled.

Zoe raised an eyebrow at her random outburst and gestured with her pen towards the door Lily had just come out of. "Jacket. Sweatbands. Off now please."

"What's the point?" Lily asked and shrugged her shoulders.

"It doesn't look very professional, does it?" Zoe asked.

"Maybe I'm sick of being professional and boring," Lily muttered under her breath.

"Lily. I have had quite enough of this." Zoe said. "Go and take them off and put them in your locker." Lily just pushed her slightly, causing her to stumble backwards a little. "That's it!" Zoe shouted impatiently and grabbed Lily's wrist, going to drag her to the staff room. Lily yelped out in pain though as Zoe touched the bruise on her wrist. "What?" Zoe asked, turning to look at Lily. "What is it?"

"N...Nothing..." Lily stuttered and pulled down her sleeve. "I just don't feel well. I want to go home."

"You've had way too much time off at the moment." Zoe told her. "And we're already quite short staffed today. We need you here I'm afraid."

"I can put in a formal complaint against you," Lily threatened. "For grabbing me like that."

"Lily. For heavens sake," Zoe sighed. "Okay. Fine. If you really want to complain about me, talk to Mrs Beauchamp. I still need you to take the jacket and the sweatbands off. I'll keep going on until you do."

"Doctor Hanna!" Connie called over and shook her head. "Don't bother. I need to talk to her anyway. Come on Lily." Lily nodded faintly and anxiously followed Connie to her office. "Okay. I am going to say the exact same as Doctor Hanna so I don't know why you didn't listen to her. The jacket and the sweatbands need to come off."

"She grabbed my arm," Lily told Connie.

"What now?" Connie asked, taking a seat beside Lily.

"She grabbed my arm," Lily repeated. "I could have her done for assault."

"She was just trying to get you to listen," Connie said. "Arm please." Lily hesitated but held her left arm out to Connie. Connie held her in place and slipped the sweatband off of her wrist, soon noticing what it had been covering. "What's this?" Connie asked, taking the other sweatband off. "Lily. What have you done to your wrists?"

All over Lily's wrists were tiny, red scratches. They looked self inflicted but Connie didn't want to accuse her, not after the mood Lily had been in. Lily just bit her lip and shrugged her shoulders, unsure of what to say.

"Okay," Connie sighed and placed the sweatbands on the sofa beside her. "You can keep the jacket on. Yeah?" Lily nodded thankfully, managing a very small smile. "Whilst you're here, is there anything you want to talk to me about?"

"Like what?" Lily whispered.

Did Connie know something?

"Anything." Connie shrugged. "Is there?"

Yes. Lily wanted to say.

"No," she replied instead. "No thank you."

"Okay," Connie said, deciding to leave it. "Um...Apologise to Zoe for me and then get back to work. Make sure you take your lunch break. Remember to collect your sweatbands from me at the end of your shift. I'll keep them in my drawer."

Lily nodded and zipped up the jacket. She stood up and stuffed her hands into her pockets before leaving the office in total silence.


	8. Chapter 8

**ETWentHome: Hopefully someone will find out soon and thanks, it's quite a challenge writing abusive Cal :)**

 **Guest: Your review really made me smile. It was just so lovely and I'm really glad that you like the story. I haven't decided what's wrong with Cal but those are all possibilities so thanks so much for your help. I shall certainly think about it :)**

 **CasualtyFanForever81: You can :)**

 **GypsyAbby: She has indeed. There will be quite a lot of Connie in this. It makes sense to me as well, don't worry. Thanks for your review :)**

 **Tanith Panic: Thank you :)**

 **Chapter Eight**

"I'm getting Lily an appointment with the hospital councillor," Connie said to Zoe, as they walked past everyone at reception. Zoe quickly did a double take to check if Lily was there but luckily she wasn't.

"What?" She practically snapped at Connie. "Why?"

"Because she needs it Doctor Hanna," Connie told her. "It's quite obvious that something is going on. I um...I think she's self harming."

"Now what makes you think that?" Zoe sighed and folded her arm. "Lily is a smart girl and she works in an emergency department. She's not going to be hurting herself now, is she?"

"I saw cuts on her wrists," Connie said. "When I made her take off the sweatbands. She's also smoking and dressing differently and lashing out, and every single one of us here knows that that is not normal behaviour for Lily. It's not normal behaviour for anyone."

"Getting her an appointment with a councillor won't help matters though," Zoe said. "Lily's stubborn. She'll just deny that there's anything wrong. Have you spoken to Cal about it?"

"What do you mean?" Connie asked.

"Well, they're living together and Cal is her boyfriend," Zoe reminded her. "Maybe he'll know what's wrong with her."

"I'd rather not get Doctor Knight involved, thank you," Connie said. "Just leave it with me. Trust me, I know what I'm doing."

* * *

Lily stood in her bedroom glancing at the beautiful china doll in the glass cabinet. She sighed heavily and crossed her arms, listening as the door creaked open slightly. She turned round and saw Cal standing behind her.

"What are you doing?" He asked but she just shrugged her shoulders in silence. "Staring at that stupid doll again?"

"Sorry," Lily whispered apologetically under her breath.

"Saw this," Cal said and handed her another receipt. "It's a receipt from that nice, little café down the road."

"Have you been going through my bag again?" Lily asked him quietly.

"Who did you go there with?" He asked, ignoring her question.

"David Beckham," Lily answered sarcastically.

"Don't be sarcastic Lily!" Cal shouted, getting up close in her face. "Do you think you're funny?! Well...Do you?!"

"N...No..." Lily stammered, tears pricking her eyes. "No. Not at all."

"You better not!" Cal threatened and tore the receipt up into shreds, throwing the pieces to the ground and stomping on them. "You make me so angry Lily, with your clever remarks and your sarcasm! So angry!" He shoved Lily aside and stormed over to the cabinet, grabbing hold of the doll and throwing it across the room. Lily squeezed her eyes tightly shut and winced at the sound of the china shattering. She opened her eyes and saw that the doll had completely broken, pieces of her face in all corners of the room. "You deserved that," Cal whispered to Lily.

"Why did you do that?" Lily sobbed out. "Why? That doll is like the only thing left from my childhood, it meant everything to me."

"You're twenty six," Cal spat. "Too old to be playing with stupid dolls."

"It wasn't a toy!" Lily yelled.

"Tough," he scoffed. "You're pathetic."

Lily watched with a tear stained face as Cal walked out of the room and slammed the door shut. She silently screamed to herself and broke down into tears, sliding down the wall and burying her face in her knees. She hated him, she hated everything, she hated herself. She looked up and wiped her watery eyes, catching a glimpse of the broken doll over in the corner. She sniffed and crawled over, picking up a piece of the china. A shiny, blue eye just stared back at her. Lily placed it down and picked up the doll. Her arm was cracked, her face had come away and her right leg had broken. Lily clutched the broken doll carefully and picked up another piece of china.

"I'm better off dead," she whispered, gripping the china in her hand. She took a deep breath and put the doll down, carefully and slowly dragging the sharp edge along her skin. She hissed and bit her lip as pain shot through her entire body. For once, the pain felt good but it was only because she was in control. Not Cal for once.

She built up the courage to glance down at the mess that she'd made on her arm. The wound was wonky and blood poured out onto her bedroom carpet. The edge of the china was completely red and stained but she didn't even care.

"Well done," she praised herself quietly, smirking as she just sat staring at the self inflicted cut.

For the first time in ages, she felt good about herself.

 **Slightly short chapter but I felt I had to update after ages of nothing haha. I hope you liked it :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**ETWentHome: Lily seems to think so. Lots more to come :)**

 **Chapter Nine**

Lily was sat at the computer in reception working on a report that Connie had asked her to do. Louise and Noel stood across from her, Louise on the phone and Noel munching on a packet of biscuits. Connie soon walked over and whilst Lily thought that she was going to ask her if she'd finished, she didn't. Instead, she handed a letter over to Lily.

"That's for you," she said.

"Am I fired?" Lily asked. Most people would have said it in a jokey manner but in fact, Lily was deadly serious.

"Don't be stupid," Connie scoffed and walked away.

Lily debated on whether that was meant to be a compliment or an insult. In a way, Connie had complimented her by saying that she wasn't fired and most likely never will be but on the other hand, she had also called her stupid. She decided to take it as a compliment. Lily made sure that Louise and Noel weren't looking first before carefully tearing the envelope open. She chucked it in the bin under the desk and unfolded the letter. It read:

 _Dear Miss Chao,_

 _This is to confirm your appointment with Holby City Hospital Counsellor, Amy Chambers. Your appointment is on Tuesday 12th at 1:00pm. See you there._

 _Amy Chambers  
Counsellor _

Lily pursed her lips together angrily as she screwed up the letter. She stood up from her chair and stormed off, receiving the odd look as she pushed her way past people. Connie was at the end of the corridor talking to Zoe.

"What the hell is this?" Lily yelled angrily, holding up the crumbled letter. "You think I need counselling?"

"I told you she wouldn't be happy," Zoe sighed, hanging her head.

"What?" Lily snapped at Zoe. "And you knew about this?" She scoffed and turned back to Connie. "There's nothing wrong with me!"

"Lily. I'm not saying there is," Connie said. "It's just you haven't been yourself these past couple of days and I thought it might help to talk to someone. Someone you don't know. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"There is plenty to be ashamed of," Lily said. "I don't need to talk to some shrink about my problems."

"When is the appointment Lily?" Zoe asked.

"Today!" Lily shouted, glancing at the letter briefly. "In like three hours and I am telling you now that I'm not going."

"You are," Connie said. "If there's nothing wrong, fine. If there is though, it is the opportunity to tell someone. I am giving you permission to take an hour off work and if you need time after the session then I will happily give that to you as well."

"An hour?" Lily raised an eyebrow. "You expect me to sit in that woman's office for an entire fucking hour?"

"Do not swear in this department," Connie ordered sternly. "And right now Lily you are acting extremely childish." She sighed deeply. "Just go to the session. Take the hour and if you really don't want to go back, I won't make you."

"I'll never forgive you for this," Lily whispered and shook her head before storming off down the corridor.

* * *

Lily had never been to Amy's office before. She was on the top floor of the hospital and on the front of her door, it actually said "counsellor." There was a line of chairs and a bookcase outside the door where you had to sit and wait for Amy to call you. Lily picked up an Enid Blyton book and sat down on one of the chairs with a sigh. She was only on page three when the door opened and a young girl in a wheelchair came out. She looked about fourteen but she smiled comfortingly at Lily and wheeled herself away. Lily gulped nervously and got back to reading.

"Lily Chao," a voice said.

Lily looked up and saw a blonde haired woman standing in the doorway. She wore jeans, a t-shirt and a pair of converse and her hair hung loosely around her shoulders. She hardly wore any jewellery and her face wasn't done up with make-up either. She wasn't at all how Lily had pictured her.

"Hi," Lily whispered, suddenly feeling quite shy.

"I'm Amy," she introduced. "Come on in and take a seat." Lily nodded faintly and put the book back in it's place before entering the office. "Mrs Beauchamp referred you to me. How are you doing?"

"I was doing fine," Lily answered and sat down in the chair. "Then I found out I had to come here."

Amy cracked up laughing and sat down at her desk opposite Lily. "I'm not all bad, am I?"

"It's not that," Lily told her. "It's just that I have no reason to be here. Mrs Beauchamp is just poking her nose in. There's nothing wrong with me."

"There isn't anything wrong with any of the people I see, Lily," Amy rephrased. "They just need a little help, someone to talk to every now and then. And I think that secretly in our own way, we all need that. I talk to someone."

"You?" Lily scoffed. "Why? You're a counsellor yourself."

"I had a few problems as a child," Amy said. "I'm okay now but they'll always stay with me and I just find it easier to talk to someone. It's usually easier to talk to a stranger than someone you know, right?"

Lily shrugged her shoulders. "I guess."

"Does anyone know you're here?"

Lily shook her head. "No," she whispered. "I don't want anyone to find out."

"And that's understandable," Amy said. "Most people in this world are probably seeing some form of counsellor Lily. They just decide not to tell anyone. Can I ask you something though?"

Lily faintly nodded her head, although she now felt sick with nerves.

"Why did Connie think you needed to talk to me?" Amy asked. "I mean, she must have booked you this appointment for a reason. Can you think of anything?"

"I um..." Lily stuttered. "I guess it was because she found cuts on my wrists."

"And where did those cuts come from?" Amy asked.

Lily was silent.

"Lily?" Amy asked.

"I...I guess..." Lily shrugged her shoulders, her sickness getting worst. "I guess I did them to myself," she whispered quietly under her breath.

"Does Connie know that?" Amy questioned her.

Lily shook her head. "She was just suspicious," she replied. "I haven't told anyone."

"Do you think you'd be able to tell Connie that you hurt yourself like that?" Lily shook her head. "Why did you do it Lily?"

Lily thought about the pain that Cal caused her. She thought about the pain that she'd caused herself but how it was different because that made her feel good. She thought about telling Amy everything but then quickly changed her mind. She didn't say anything, but just gave Amy the shrug of the shoulders.

"Okay," Amy sighed but gave her a comforting smile. "Is there anything you wanted to talk to me about though, whilst you're here?" Lily shook her head without even hesitating. "Okay, that's fine. Did you want to book another appointment with me?"

"Do I have to?" Lily whispered.

"It's your choice," Amy said. "In my personal opinion I think you could do with it. You're not a child though Lily so if you want another one that's fine, if you don't then that's fine too. You can however go away and have a think about it. You could then either book an appointment with me or get Connie to book one. She knows me well."

"I'll think about it," Lily said. "Am I free to go?"

"Of course. Have a proper think about it, yeah?" Amy said. "I'll see you around."

Lily nodded thankfully at her and left the office in a hurry. She thought about what Amy had said as she rushed down the stairs. Connie was at the bottom talking to Zoe.

"How'd it go?" Connie asked, looking at her watch. "You're out early." Lily just nodded, too scared to speak in case she suddenly started crying. "Do you need a moment?" Connie asked and Lily nodded again. "Okay. Go on." The junior doctor sniffed and quickly wiped her eyes before hurrying off to the staff room, praying that no one was in there.

It was empty luckily. She sat down on the sofa with her head in her hands and allowed her tears to fall. She hated the thought of having to see someone about her issues but in a way, it had felt nice. She'd felt quite a sense of relief come over her as soon as she told Amy about the cutting. She couldn't bare to tell her about Cal though. He'd kill her if she ever found out, especially as it was her fault that he got angry anyway. She was such a disgrace, such a disappointment to look at. It was no wonder he hit her.

"Get Robyn to do it!" She heard Connie call from outside the staffroom and she quickly composed herself and wiped away her tears. "Lily. Lily. Lily," Connie said, entering the room. "How'd it go?"

Lily shrugged her shoulders, still refusing to speak to Connie after she'd booked the appointment behind her back. Connie smiled and sat down beside her with a sigh.

"Want to talk about it?" She asked.

"Not really," Lily whispered, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands again. "Sorry."

"It's okay," Connie reassured her. "Therapy appointments can be tough sometimes. Don't worry about crying."

"You had no right," Lily said. "To book me an appointment without asking me first." Connie nodded and went to speak but Lily carried on. "Can um...Can you maybe book me another one with her though?"

"Really?" Connie asked and Lily nodded. "Sure," Connie agreed. "Of course I can."

 **Probably my longest chapter yet! I kind of based this chapter off my own experiences at school, when my teacher booked me an appointment with the school nurse and how nervous I felt when the nurse noticed my self harm scars and asked me about them.**

 **I hope you enjoyed the chapter though. Let me know what you think in a review :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**LillyMayFlower: Thank you and oh yes, he is bound to find out sooner or later. Thanks for saying I'm doing well with the other characters because I honestly wasn't sure :)**

 **ETWentHome: That is pretty funny. What annoys me though is that sometimes you can have scars but they're not self inflicted, but teachers and doctors just jump to the accusation that you did it yourself. Sometimes that's not the case if you get me, haha :)**

 **GypsyAbby: Yeah it did help her slightly. I'm so glad it's believable. I think if this was in the show Lily would react as angry and defensive :)**

 **Chapter Ten**

 _Dear Diary,_

 _I've started going to therapy. It all started when Mrs Beauchamp went and booked me an appointment behind my back. I'm secretly glad she did though, I hate to say it but talking to Amy helped slightly._

 _I still feel so stupid though. I hate going to my sessions in secret, knowing that Cal has got so bad it's driven me to therapy. He doesn't mean to hit me though. Like I said, I'm stupid so I deserve it. He's very protective of me as well but only because he loves me. It's got to the point though where I have to make sure I throw all my receipts away. If I don't, he finds them in my bag and asks why I went there and who I went with._

 _Writing this brings salty tears to my eyes. I want to burst into tears but Cal's downstairs in the living room. He's punishing me by locking me in my bedroom. He says I haven't been a good girl lately, I forgot to wash up yesterday. The glass cabinet is completely empty now. The china doll was so special to me but then just like my heart, it got broken._

 _I'm hoping that Cal never finds my diary, or he will have a reason to hit me. I've written such nasty, terrible things about him and I feel awful. He only loves me. I keep telling myself that he's just looking out for me and that I'm so lucky to have someone like that._

 _He hurts me though all the same. The pain I cause myself is so different to the pain that he causes me, it feels so good to finally have that control of dragging something sharp along my own skin._

 _I have to go. I can hear footsteps._

 _Write soon_

 _Lily x_

"Lily!" Cal's voice boomed up the stairs. Lily quickly shoved the diary under her pillow and curled up on the bed. The door unlocked and Cal burst in. "What's for dinner?" He asked aggressively.

"Um..." Lily sat upright, chewing her lip anxiously. "I...I don't know."

"You were meant to have something prepared you useless piece of shit," he said, picking up Lily's reading book and chucking it at her. "You're lazy, aren't you?" Lily was silent. "Aren't you?" He yelled. "What are you Lily? Talk to me unless you're too stupid to do that as well!"

"Lazy," Lily whispered quietly. "I'm sorry Cal. I...I'll sort something."

"Don't bother," he scoffed. "I'll just go out and get fish and chips." He grabbed Lily's bag from the side of the bed and rummaged through it until he found some loose cash. "Thank you," he said, waving it in her face.

"Um...I...I'm kind of hungry..." She stammered. "Could you get me something?"

"Really?" Cal asked. "After the way you've behaved today. I don't think so Lily." He shook his head and stormed out, locking the door behind him again.

Lily sniffed, holding back her tears as she glanced towards the window. She heard the car drive off and knew that Cal had now gone. Her window was open. She smiled to herself and sat upright, hurrying to slip her shoes on. She grabbed her diary and stuffed that into her bag before heading to the open window. It was a long way down. She took a deep breath and chucked her bag down onto the grass below. Lily hated to admit that she was actually scared of stuff but one thing she was terrified of, was heights.

"Okay Lily," she whispered. "You can do it."

She climbed out of her window and gripped the drainpipe that was going up the side of the house. She gulped and held back her tears before slowly sliding down it, making sure not to look down. Soon, she reached the bottom and managed to jump down onto the grass. She wiped the sweat away from her forehead, picked up her bag and she was on her way.

She wasn't sure where she was going at first but she soon thought of someone who'd quite willingly let her stay the night. She arrived at a block of flats and buzzed Robyn's flat number. Lofty answered:

"Hello," his voice said into the intercom.

"Lofty. It's Lily," Lily replied. "Can I come up please?" She tried her best not to sound teary and choked up. Lofty hung up and the door opened. Lily shifted her bag to her other shoulder and began walking up the stairs to the flat. She was about to knock when the door opened and Max stood there, in the middle of blowing up a balloon.

"Whattup Ice Princess?" he greeted her. "Come on in."

"Lily!" Robyn squealed, rushing over and pulling her in for a hug. Lily accepted the hug but tears started to prick her eyes. "Are you okay?" Robyn asked and then turned towards Lofty and Max. "Guys. Can you give us a minute?" She then turned back to Lily and rubbed her arm. "Come on. Let's get you a cup of tea, yeah?"

"Thank you," Lily thanked her quietly and followed her into the kitchen.

"What's the matter?" Robyn asked, as she put the kettle on. "Shut the door. You don't get much privacy here with Lofty and Max."

"Okay," Lily giggled slightly. She shut the door and sat down at the table. "Um...Am...Am I able to sleep here tonight? I don't want to be too much trouble..."

"Course you can," Robyn said. "You're more than welcome. Is everything okay between you and Cal?"

"We just had a bit of an argument," Lily said.

"Does he know you're here?" Robyn questioned.

"I sent him a text," Lily lied.

"Course you can stay," Robyn said and handed her the cup of tea that she'd been making. "I'll get my bed set up for you. I'll take the sofa."

"I don't mind being on the sofa," Lily said. "Honestly."

"I insist," Robyn said. "Have you eaten?" Lily listened to her stomach grumble and she shook her head. "No problem," Robyn laughed. "We were just about to order a pizza. Is that okay with you?"

"That's fine," Lily said. "Robyn?"

"Yeah?" Robyn asked her.

Lily smiled at her and whispered, "thank you."


	11. Chapter 11

**CBloom2: Ethan will find out eventually :)**

 **CasualtyFanForever81: Agreed, although I quite like him in the show :)**

 **ETWentHome: I have a plan about that. It'll be in a future chapter. Thanks for saying I'm a great writer :)**

 **GypsyAbby: Yeah Robyn is a good person for hugs and comfort. Haha I was tempted to write that but I thought no she can just escape instead :)**

 **Tato Potato: Thank you :)**

 **Chapter Eleven:**

Lily woke up the next morning to see Robyn sitting at the end of the bed with a bacon sandwich and a cup of tear. Lily groaned wearily and rubbed at the sleepy dust in her eyes before yawning and sitting up. It was ten to seven and still dark outside.

"How did you sleep?" Robyn asked.

"Good," Lily replied. "Thank you, and thank you for letting me have your bed as well."

"It's no problem," Robyn told her. "The sofa is surprisingly comfy. I made you breakfast. Eat this and get dressed and we'll head off to work." Lily smiled awkwardly at her. "What's wrong?" Robyn asked.

"It's just...My uniform is in my locker at work..." Lily stated. "And I don't have any clean clothes with me, just the ones I came in yesterday."

"You can borrow something of mine," Robyn offered. "Is everything okay with you and Cal though?"

Lily shrugged her shoulders. "Yes," she answered. "We just had an argument. I told you."

"Must have been pretty big then," Robyn said and handed the cup of tea over to her. "You came here without having anything to eat and without bringing any extra clothes."

"I just wanted to get out of the house," Lily whispered, holding the mug in her hands.

"Are you sure Cal knows you're here?" Robyn asked and although it was an obvious lie, Lily nodded. "Okay," Robyn sighed. "Just rummage through my wardrobe and see if you can find something to wear. Me and the guys will be downstairs."

"Thank you," Lily thanked her. Robyn left the bacon sandwich and headed downstairs to the kitchen.

Lily sighed and placed the tea on the bedside cabinet. She really didn't feel hungry, she could barely stomach a bacon sandwich. She found a pair of jeans and a plain white t-shirt that she thought might fit her and without bothering to shower, she slipped them on. Robyn was downstairs with Max and Lofty was currently in the bathroom brushing his teeth.

"Ready to go?" Robyn asked and Lily nodded. "As soon as Lofty's ready, we'll head off."

* * *

Lily felt completely sick. She hadn't thought anything through. She knew that Cal was going to be extremely angry. She wished that she'd never escaped from her room in the first place. She walked into the ED with Robyn, Lofty and Max and Cal walked over to them straight away.

"Hi Lily," he greeted, a fake friendly smile plastered upon his face. "Can I have a word?"

"N...Now?" Lily stammered, backing away a little.

"Go on," Robyn reassured, thinking that all Cal wanted was to apologise. "You're not going to be late for work. You still have another ten minutes to go."

"Robyn's right," Cal said. "Come on Lily. It'll only take a minute."

Lily felt sick still but she nodded and followed Cal outside. She hoped that they'd talk where there was plenty of people but instead, Cal led her down an alleyway at the side of the hospital.

"I'm sorry," Lily apologised to him quickly.

"Shut up!" He hissed and slapped her really hard around the face. "Why the hell did you leave your fucking room Lily? I gave you strict instructions you stupid, useless piece of shit!"

"I said I was..."

"Shut up!" He repeated, not wanting to hear it. "What did you tell Robyn?"

"Nothing," Lily cried.

"What did you tell her?" He shouted, getting up close and personal in her face.

Lily looked back down the alleyway, hoping that someone would hear Cal shouting. No one came though.

"I...I just said that we'd had an argument," Lily stuttered.

"You really are an idiot," Cal scoffed. "You know, I'm not really sure if it's because you don't have a brain or you just choose not to fucking use it!"

"But..."

"I don't want to hear it Lily," Cal said. He stepped forwards and shoved her really hard into the wall so she hit her head against it. She let out a scream of pain as tears escaped her eyes and removing her hand from her head, she noticed that she was bleeding.

"You deserve that," he said and walked away.

Lily waited for a bit, pain rushing through her head. She felt where she'd hit it again and almost burst into more floods of tears when she saw the blood. How was she supposed to explain this? Robyn knew that Lily had been talking to Cal so she was bound to get a bit suspicious. She gulped nervously and stood up straight, whilst wobbling slightly. She sniffed and wiped her nose on the back of her hand before leaving the alleyway. Everyone had already gone into the ED, it'd gone nine after-all. She slowly made her way in and straight away, Connie and Zoe walked over.

"You're late," Connie said.

"I...I'm not," Lily said, trying to hide the fact that she was in pain. "I was here earlier. I..."

"She was," Robyn cut in, making her way over. "She came with me and the guys. Cal just needed to talk to her quickly." Her eyes diverted to Lily's hand. "Is that blood?"

Connie and Zoe looked to where Lily's hand was caked with blood. Automatically, she shyly ran a hand through her hair but of course more blood seeped from her head and onto her hand.

"What have you done?" Connie walked over and started having a look at her scalp, removing strands of her hair. "Okay. Zoe, get a room set up for Lily. I don't know what she's done but her head is bleeding quite badly." She then turned to Robyn. "What happened?"

Robyn shrugged her shoulders. "I...I don't know..." she said. "She was fine earlier."

"My head hurts," Lily complained, touching her wound again. "I'm still bleeding."

"I know darling, I know," Connie said. "Come on. Let's get you to a room and we'll get you fixed up. We do need to have a word though I think."

"Why?" Lily groaned. "What about?"

"Well," Connie sighed. "This isn't the first time something like this has happened, hmmm?" Lily didn't say anything. "Come on beautiful. Let's go and talk."

"I'm not fucking beautiful," Lily yelled. "I wish people wouldn't call me that! I'm ugly, I'm useless and I'm stupid!"

"Lily, stop," Connie calmed, leading her into a room where Zoe was.

"How'd this happen then?" Zoe asked, walking over. "Ooo Lily. That looks painful," she mentioned, taking a look at her head.

"Hit it on a wall," Lily whispered and hung her head.

"How?" Connie asked and shrugged her shoulders.

"Fell over," Lily lied. "And then hit my head against the wall."

"Do you expect us to believe that?" Connie asked.

"Connie," Zoe warned her and shook her head. "Okay Lily. Hop up onto the bed and we'll get that fixed up for you." Connie's mobile began to ring and she hooked it out of her pocket and looked at the Caller ID. "Is that important?" Zoe sighed, really wanting Connie's help.

"It's Amy," she sighed and looked to Lily. "Probably about your next appointment." She lifted the phone to her ear and answered it. "Mrs Beauchamp. Hi Amy. Yeah, I'm down by reception just treating someone right now." She smiled reassuringly at Lily, deciding not to tell Amy that it was Lily she was actually treating. "Yeah. Sure. Okay, I'll let her know. Thank you. Bye." She hung up and turned back to Lily. "Amy's had a cancellation. If you wanted to, she has an appointment free for you at 3:00 this afternoon. It might be good for you, you can tell her if there is something going on."

Lily wiped her eyes as Zoe stitched her up. She then just nodded at Connie, agreeing to the appointment.

* * *

"Lily!" Robyn called, rushing over to her as soon as she'd been looked at by Zoe and Connie. "Hey. Do you feel better?" Lily just folded her arms across her chest and shrugged her shoulders. "Lily. Did...Did Cal do that to you?"

"Why would you say that?" Lily asked.

"I just wondered," Robyn said. "With you staying at mine last night. Then he spoke to you and suddenly, you're injured."

"He...He hasn't been hurting me," Lily lied quietly under her breath.

"Lily. Just tell me the truth," Robyn said. "If you tell me the truth, I could help you." Lily was silent. "I won't tell anyone."

"Do you promise?" Lily asked. "I'm sorry Robyn but you are known as the Holby City gossip. If I tell you anything, it'll be around this hospital within five minutes."

"I promise this time," Robyn said. "I swear Lily. Whatever you tell me now stays between you and I. Okay?"

Lily nodded faintly and bit her lip.

"Did Cal do that to you?" Robyn whispered, placing a comforting hand on Lily's shoulder.

Tears trickled down Lily's cheeks and as she avoided eye contact with Robyn, she very faintly nodded her head.

 **I do apologise for the cliffhanger haha. Hope you liked the chapter :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**CasualtyFanForever81: Hehe here you go :)**

 **CBloom2: Maybe there is, maybe there isn't. I haven't actually decided yet :)**

 **ETWentHome: Haha I understand what you mean by exciting, don't worry :)**

 **LillyMayFlower: Thank you so much and I don't think she'll be able to give the same answer to Connie or Zoe. It's weird. I can confide in someone at work about personal issues but then find it really hard to tell my manager. I think it's just how people work, they struggle to speak to people in authority. I also love it when you update, your writing is incredible :)**

 **GypsyAbby: Thank you so much and yes it really shows that Cal just can't control his actions :)**

 **Tanith Panic: She does. I just want to give her a giant cuddle :)**

 **Chapter Twelve**

"Lily. You have to tell somebody," Robyn said, as she and Lily sat together in the staffroom. Robyn thought that it'd be best to take her somewhere a bit more private so they could talk properly about what Cal had been doing. "He's abusing you."

"He's only looking out for me," Lily sobbed. "He's protective like that. He's only doing it because he loves me."

"This isn't love," Robyn whispered. "Look at what he is doing to you Lily. He's hurting you, on the inside and the outside. You can't sit here and tell me that you're happy. Right?"

Lily shrugged her shoulders and glanced across at Robyn with tears trickling down her face. "I...I just want someone to love me," she sobbed.

"And one day you'll find someone who does," Robyn reassured her and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "But you can't stay with Cal. He'll just carry on and...And one day he could kill you. Not intentionally maybe but it could happen." Lily sniffed and didn't say anything. "Lily. You will find a man who loves you so, so much. I completely understand how you feel. I'd love a husband and kids and I worry that it will never happen. I'm ginger, bit on the large size and not the prettiest. I'm not giving up hope though."

"Guys don't tend to like me," Lily admitted. "Cal was the first. They'd all rather go for pretty blonde girls and I...I can come across as quite scary. I don't mean it though. I really thought that Cal liked me, I really thought I'd found the one."

"You can't spend life with someone like that," Robyn said. "You'll find someone. I promise you."

Lily looked up at the clock and saw that it was five to three. Her appointment with Amy was in five minutes.

"I have to go," she whispered and stood up from the sofa. "Thanks for the chat."

"You're welcome darling," Robyn said. "But you need to tell Mrs Beauchamp. She'll be able to help you." Lily nodded faintly. "And stay at my place tonight, yeah? I don't want you going back there."

"Thank you," Lily thanked her again and left the staffroom.

Luckily, Cal was no where to be seen so she just headed up the stairs towards Amy's office. She passed Ethan and Lofty on the way, pinning leaflets and posters to a bulletin board on the wall.

"What are you doing?" Lily asked them on her way by.

"Mrs Beauchamp wants us to promote," Ethan said, gesturing to a poster on sexual abuse.

"P...Promote what?" Lily stuttered and gulped nervously.

"Different sorts of abuse," Lofty sighed, feeling completely bored out of his head. "Apparently as a hospital, we don't promote it enough. She said that people need to know who to talk to if they're admitted here and in this sort of situation."

"Want to take over?" Ethan asked, offering the staple gun to Lily. "My arm is beginning to ache."

Lily pursed her lips together and shook her head. Shoving Ethan to one side, she stormed over to the board and began tearing down everything that he and Lofty had put up.

"Lily!" Lofty yelled, ducking as a bit of paper flew into his face. "Stop it! Mrs Beauchamp will go nuts and most likely, Ethan and I will be blamed."

"What the hell is the matter with you?" Ethan asked. "We were almost done as well."

"Just shut up!" Lily screamed in tears and hurried off down the corridor. Connie was walking in the other direction and quickly grabbed hold of Lily when she saw her looking a mix between upset and angry. "Go away. I have to be with Amy, don't I?"

"Amy can wait," Connie said. "Besides, you're already five minutes late to see her. What's going on?"

"Nothing," Lily shouted at her. "Just leave me alone."

"Lily," Connie spoke sternly. "This isn't like you. What's the matter?" She looked up and saw Ethan making his way across, a couple of torn posters in his hand. "What's happened?" She sighed, her arm wrapped around Lily so that she couldn't escape.

"She just went ballistic," Ethan said, holding up the mess. "Started ripping the leaflets and posters off of the board. Lofty's just attempting to pin them back up right now."

"Why did you do that?" Connie asked Lily. "You are not in charge of this department Doctor Chao. I am and I gave specific instructions to Lofty and Ethan to staple these up on the bulletin board."

"Yeah well they're stupid!" Lily screamed. "No one's going to read them anyway!"

"Ethan, just carry on," Connie sighed. "Sorry but you're just going to have to start again."

"How?" Ethan scoffed. "She's torn most of them."

"There is a box of more posters under the desk in my office," Connie mentioned. "You can take some out of there." Ethan nodded and walked off. Connie looked down at Lily and tightened her grip on her arm. "What is wrong with you today?"

"Nothing," Lily whispered.

"You came into work late with a head injury, you agreed to talk to Amy but you're now late to see her and then you tear a load of posters and leaflets off of the wall," Connie reminded her. "What is going on?"

"Nothing," Lily repeated in a slightly louder voice.

"Shall I get Cal?" Connie asked quietly.

"NO!" Lily snapped. "Do not get him! Just because he's my boyfriend, doesn't mean I want to be with him all the time!"

"Lily..."

"Shut up!" Lily shouted.

"Excuse me?" Connie looked quite taken aback.

"I said shut up!" Lily grew angrier and angrier. Her face reddened and she spun round in Connie's arms and slapped her hard across the face.


	13. Chapter 13

**CBloom2: She does :)**

 **ETWentHome: Fingers crossed and me too :)**

 **LillyMayFlower: Nope, not at all. We all know what Connie is like haha. I do love Robyn and Lily conversations and she shouldn't, she's amazing :)**

 **CasualtyFanForever81: Oh yes she is :)**

 **Chapter Thirteen**

"So..." Amy looked from Connie to Lily and raised her eyebrows. Connie was sat away from Lily with her head in her hands and Lily was just sat with her arms folded across her chest. Amy bit her lip, noticing the bruise that was forming on Connie's cheek. "Lily. Why did you hit Connie?"

Lily didn't say anything.

"She's your boss Lily," Amy said. "Luckily Connie is taking it surprisingly well but that could easily cost you your job."

"I just dragged her straight here," Connie said. "She needs to have a serious chat with someone about her behaviour." She glanced towards Lily. Lily just kept her arms crossed though and her eyes fixated on the floor.

* * *

Lofty walked into the staffroom to see Robyn making a mug of coffee. He and Ethan were extremely annoyed that Lily had gone and torn down their posters and now they were taking a break.

"What's that?" Lofty asked, gesturing to the notebook that was lying on the coffee table.

"Oh I think it belongs to Lily," Robyn said, peering over her shoulder to see what he was talking about. "She was in here with me earlier and we were talking. She must have left it. No idea what it is though." She smiled at him and left the room with her coffee.

Lofty waited until she'd gone and then picked up the notebook. He quietly shut the door behind him and flicked to the first page. He sat down on the stall and poured the rest of the coffee from the pot into a mug. He then laid the book down on the table and started to read. As he read, he gradually started realising what the book was about. It was Lily's diary and what he was reading, shocked him. He turned the page and shook his head, tears pricking his eyes. Picking up the book, he left the staffroom and walked up to Zoe at the reception desk.

"Doctor Hanna," he spoke, hiding the book behind his back. "Where's Mrs Beauchamp?"

Zoe sighed and whispered, "in the counsellor's office with Lily. Don't make a big thing out of it Lofty, there was just a small incident earlier on."

Lofty nodded and made his way up the stairs with Lily's diary in his hands. He reached Amy's office and hesitated for a bit before taking a deep breath and quietly knocking on the door.

"Come in," Amy called.

Lofty shyly opened the door, looking to Lily and Connie. "Hi," he whispered and shut the door behind him.

"Lofty!" Connie scolded. "What are you doing here?"

"Hi," Amy greeted Lofty politely. "Lofty, was it? What brings you to my office? I'm actually in the middle of a session right now."

"Oh!" Lofty's eyes widened. "No. This isn't about me...This is about Lily actually."

"Is it?" Amy asked.

"Go away," Lily whispered without looking at him.

"I um..." Lofty began stuttering and handed the notebook over to Amy. "I think you should see this."

Lily's eyes widened as she stood up quickly and lunged for the book. "No!" She shouted. "Give it back! That's mine! I said give it back, it doesn't belong to you!"

"What is it?" Connie asked, surprised at Lily's random outburst.

"My notebook!" Lily yelled.

Amy just held the book in her hands, unsure of what to do. "Lofty. Um..."

"It was in the staffroom," he told Amy quietly.

"And you read it?" Lily asked in a loud voice. "You had no right! What is wrong with you?"

"I just think that Amy and Connie should read what's inside," Lofty told her calmly.

"No!" Lily spat and shoved him in the chest. "It is none of your fucking business!"

"Lofty," Connie whispered. "I think you should go."

Lofty sighed and shook his head before stepping backwards and heading towards the door. He opened it up and left, shutting the door behind him.

"Can I just have my notebook back?" Lily asked quietly and held her hand out to Amy.

"What's inside Lily?" Amy asked, without opening the notebook. "What's inside? That was quite a reaction out of you."

"It's my diary," Lily confessed. "It's private."

"There is obviously something in here that your friend seems to think that we need to know," Amy said and she slowly began to open the notebook. "Something he feels is important."

Lily shook her head. "He doesn't know what he's talking about," she said.

"He's looking out for you," Amy said. "Can you think of anything that you might have written in here to cause some concern?" Lily shrugged her shoulders and anxiously ran a hand through her hair, chewing on her lip until it bled. Amy slowly opened the notebook all the way, keeping an eye on Lily over the top of the page.

"Don't," she choked out, as Connie placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Who's Cal?" Amy asked.

"Her boyfriend," Connie whispered. "He's a doctor at this hospital."

"No." Lily shook her head, tears streaming down her face. "No. No. No." She felt sick to the pit of her stomach and without warning, raced straight out of the office. Amy sighed and watched her leave, handing the notebook over to Connie.

"Oh my god," Connie gasped, holding a hand to her mouth.

"Were you aware of this?" Amy asked and Connie shook her head. "I think we need to get Caleb in here."

"I need to find Lily," Connie said. "Do me a favour, ring down to Zoe and ask her to keep Cal in my office. I need to find Lily." Amy nodded and picked up the phone. Connie shook her head at the notebook and blinked back her tears before hurrying out to go and look for the junior doctor.


	14. Chapter 14

**LillyMayFlower: Hopefully. Thanks for reviewing :)**

 **ETWentHome: You'll soon see :)**

 **CBloom2: Haha you'll soon find out if there is something wrong with Cal :)**

 **GypsyAbby: Yeah me too. I know it happened to me at school once and I was fuming. It was really hard writing Connie in that chapter, I had no idea how she would react. I'm worried for Cal too haha :)**

 **Tato Potato: Thank you. It's been quite a hard subject to write :)**

 **Guest: Thanks for your lovely review :)**

 **CasualtyFanForever81: Haha I'll update as soon as possible :)**

 **Chapter Fourteen**

"So what am I doing here?" Cal asked, following Zoe into Connie's office. He folded his arms across his chest and leant back against the wall, wondering what Zoe could want with him on such short notice.

Zoe shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know," she answered. "Connie just wanted me to get you in here. I'm sure she'll be down to talk to you in a second."

"I have work to be doing," Cal said, gritting his teeth impatiently.

"I know," Zoe said. "Cal, are you okay?"

"Fine," he sighed, glancing up at the clock. He twitched nervously, wondering why Connie wanted to talk to him.

* * *

Connie walked along the corridor of the ED, peering in at various cubicles as he past. Every single one of them had people in them but she couldn't see Lily anywhere. Eventually, she reached the cubicle at the end and noticed that it was empty. Pushing the door open and walking inside, she saw Lily sat on the floor against the wall hugging her knees to her chest.

"How'd you know I was in here?" Lily whispered, biting anxiously on her nails.

"I didn't," Connie sighed and sat down on the floor beside her. "I was just searching rooms. This was the only empty one." Lily just nodded faintly as Connie sat waiting for her to speak. "You know, hot chocolate and biscuits usually cheer me up when I'm feeling down. Fancy going to the staffroom to get some?"

Lily shook her head and slowly and cautiously made eye contact with Connie. "No thank you," she whispered.

Connie nodded with a sigh and held Lily's notebook out to her. "Thought you might want this back," she said. Lily reached out and took the book, holding it in her lap. "You have a lovely writing style by the way. Ever thought of doing it for a living?"

"Not really," Lily replied.

"How long has Caleb been doing this to you, Lily?" Connie suddenly asked the dreaded question.

Lily just shrugged her shoulders, turning her head so that she was staring at the wall.

"Are you going to call the police?" Lily questioned quietly. "Please don't. He...He only does it because I deserve it."

"What do you mean?" Connie asked. "Is that really what you think?"

"Well, he loves me," Lily croaked out. "I know he does. I...I just make him angry sometimes. I'm useless."

"Lily," Connie whispered, giving the junior doctor a sympathetic look. "Don't think like that. It isn't your fault at all."

The door opened and Ethan walked in.

"Oh...I...I've been sent by Doctor Hanna..." He stuttered nervously, noticing the scared and upset look on Lily's face. "She wants to know what's going on." Connie nodded, giving Lily's shoulder a rub. "Can I do anything?"

"I need to have a quick chat with Zoe about some things," Connie said. "Do me a favour Doctor Hardy and just sit with Lily for me, okay? She could do with a bit of reassurance and comfort."

"Sure," Ethan agreed. "I can do that."

"Okay my lovely. Stay with Ethan and I'll come and see you later," Connie said and stroked Lily's hair. She then stood up and walked out to go and speak to Zoe.

Ethan took a deep breath and went to take Connie's seat on the floor beside Lily. "Are you okay?" He asked but she just stared at him with a blank expression on her face. "Right," he muttered under his breath. "Stupid question."

"Do you know what's happened?" Lily asked him.

He shook his head. "No," he answered. "No one's told me anything. Have you and Cal had an argument though?"

"Why'd you ask?"

"He's in the office with Zoe," Ethan informed her. "And you're up here with Connie and you look as if you've been crying your eyes out. What happened?"

Lily wiped her eyes. "I don't know if I should tell you," she cried.

"You can tell me," Ethan said. "I know my brother and I understand that he can be a bit of a jerk sometimes."

"He hit me Ethan," Lily confessed and looked him straight in the eyes. "He's been hitting me."

"What?" Ethan's eyes widened when she said that. "Cal...Has been hitting you?" Lily nodded and broke down into tears, resting her head on Ethan's shoulder. "I'm going to kill him," Ethan said, gritting his teeth and shaking his head.

"D...Don't..." Lily stuttered, still in tears. "Please don't. You'll only make things worst."

"Well, are Connie and Zoe at least talking to him?" Ethan asked. "He can't be getting away with this Lily! He's abusing you!"

"I...I think so..." Lily answered him. "I don't know. Just promise me Ethan that you won't do anything. Promise me?"

Ethan hesitated but noticed the look of fear upon Lily's face. "I promise," he whispered and pulled her in for a comforting hug. "Come here. It's okay. Sssshh. It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay."

Lily burst into tears and shook her head, pushing Ethan away from her. She stood up and held her hands to her face, as Ethan stood up with her. He went to place a hand on her shoulder but she shoved him straight into the bed behind.

"Oh my god," she gasped, her whole body beginning to shake. "I...I'm so sorry."

"It's fine," he whispered, standing up straight.

"No." Lily shook her head, staring at him with a tear stained face. "It's not. I...I'm like him."

* * *

"I haven't been doing anything to her!" Cal yelled defensively and stood up, clenching his hands into fists. "She's lying. That stuff she writes in that stupid book of hers, she's lying about everything."

Zoe and Connie both leant against the desk and exchanged glances.

"Have you got this book?" Cal asked. "I'd like to see the lies she's been making up about me."

"No...I haven't," Connie said. "But we need to talk about it Caleb because Lily has been coming into work with injuries..."

"She does them to herself!" Cal shouted. "She's the one who has been hitting me!"

"Really?" Zoe asked, raising an eyebrow.

Cal nodded. "She's out of control," he said. "She won't stop. Day and night, she is injuring me in some way."

"Well, I don't know whether to believe that," Connie said.

"I've had enough of this," Cal said.

He shook his head and glared at them both before storming out of the office. Connie was after him straight away. Cal shoved past everyone in the reception area and up the stairs.

"Lily!" He screamed, hoping to find her somewhere.

"Do not go anywhere near her!" Connie shouted, hurrying after Cal. "Doctor Knight! Stop it!"

Cal barged through the door into the empty room where Ethan and Lily were. Lily immediately looked scared and Ethan rushed in front of her for protection. Cal shoved him to one side though and grabbed hold of Lily's hair.

"Let me go!" Lily screamed in tears. "Let me go! Please!"

"Cal, let go of her," Zoe ordered, straight behind Connie. "Let go of her and we can talk."

"Please let me go," Lily sobbed, falling to her knees. "I'm sorry."

"Cal..." Ethan whispered, gulping and watching as he pulled at Lily's hair.

"Let go of her," Connie whispered, frightened to see what he'd do. "Doctor Knight. Let go of her."

"What lies have you been making up?" Cal yelled in Lily's face. "Tell them!"

Lily pursed her lips together, beginning to lose her temper. She struggled away from Cal's grasp and pushed Cal as hard as she could into the medicine table. He toppled backwards and yelled out in pain. On the table was a needle and now Cal's hand was soaked in blood.

 **This chapter took ages to write, mainly because I was debating about the end. I wasn't sure whether Cal should badly injure Lily or whether Lily should flip and hurt Cal haha :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**theverystuffoflife: Yeah me too and he does seem really ill. Sorry it's taken a while to update :)**

 **CBloom2: More to come :)**

 **GypsyAbby: Thank you so much and yes, that is exactly what I thought. That is true, they might think it works two ways. Thanks for reviewing :)**

 **ETWentHome: Exactly! So much tension haha :)**

 **Tato Potato: Maybe maybe haha :)**

 **CasualtyFanForever81: I could do. I'll have a think about it :)**

 **Is - there - somewhere - x: Thanks so much and I love Connie's caring side. I show it a lot in my stories :)**

 **Chapter Fifteen**

Everyone stared at Cal in complete and utter shock. He was staring angrily at Lily and he had his hand held out in front of him, bleeding rapidly. Lily had started shaking and she had tears streaming down her face. She glanced towards Connie for support, unable to speak and then just looked back at her boyfriend.

"Okay," Connie sighed and held her hand out to Lily. "Come with me. Doctor Hanna, sort Cal out for me please."

Zoe nodded and walked towards Cal. Lily shakily made her way over to Connie and left the cubicle with her. Ethan hurried after them to look after Lily. She didn't say anything though, just walked in silence with tears trickling down both cheeks. As they made their way towards Connie's office, Robyn came over.

"What's wrong?" She asked, looking concerned at Lily. "What's happened?"

Ethan placed a hand on Lily's shoulder but she just clung to Connie crying, clearly distraught by what happened.

"Actually I need to talk to you," Connie said, pointing at Robyn. "Come with us." Robyn faintly nodded and rubbed Lily's arm, as the four of them made their way to the office. "Sit down sweetheart," Connie said to Lily, who sat down on the sofa with her arms folded across her stomach.

"You okay?" Ethan whispered and sat down beside her.

"What's going on?" Robyn asked again.

"Staff nurse Miller," Connie sighed and shut the office door. "Has Lily spoken to you about the situation with her and Cal at all?"

Robyn shrugged her shoulders. "Kind of," she replied. "I guess. Why?"

"What's she said?" Connie asked and crossed her arms.

"Um...Can't...Can't Lily tell you?" Robyn stuttered nervously.

"She needs to calm down first," Connie said, glancing towards Lily. "Besides, I would like to hear it from you. She came to work with you this morning, right?"

"Well...Yeah..." Robyn said. "Um...She came to my place last night, asked if she could stay over. She said that she and Cal had an argument. She hadn't eaten though and she didn't even pack any clothes."

"Did she say anything else?" Connie asked.

Robyn shook her head. "No," she whispered. "But then when we got to work, Cal asked to talk to her. When she came back inside, she...She had that head injury."

"That wasn't Cal," Lily lied in floods of tears. "I swear! It...It's me, I'm the one who's been hurting him. You saw what I was like in there! I made him bleed!"

"What?" Robyn asked in shock.

"Lily. You told me he was hitting you earlier," Ethan reminded her.

"Only because I deserve it," Lily sobbed. "I anger him. I make him angry and I hurt him, so he hurts me back."

"Lily," Connie sighed and walked over to kneel down in front of her. "Listen. I need you to be completely honest with me here, okay? Has Cal been abusing you? What we saw earlier was clear evidence that something is going on. You looked petrified and when...When he grabbed your hair...Just be honest with us here please."

Lily faintly nodded her head and squeezed Ethan's hand. "He...He has..." Lily stuttered. "That's why I did this to myself," she added in a quiet whisper and held out her arm, revealing the cuts that she'd done to herself. "I'm sorry."

"Come here," Connie said and held her arms out. Lily nodded and broke down crying again, giving Connie a hug and resting her head against her shoulder. "Cal will get what's coming to him, okay? I promise."

"You can't call the police," Lily told her. "Please. He...He isn't well."

"Yes, well we're going to have to look at that first," Connie said. "Even if he's not well though Lily, he should not be doing this to you."

"I really am going to kill him," Ethan said. "My own brother!"

"Ethan, don't," Connie said. "I know you're angry with him but getting worked up will not help Lily."

"She's right Ethan," Robyn said. "Just be there for Lily, yeah?"

"I feel sick," Lily whispered, still in the middle of hugging Connie.

"You've had a lot happen today," Connie said to her.

"I...I need to go home," Lily said.

"Not yet darling," Connie said, rubbing Lily's back. "Ethan, pass me a sick bowl. There should be one under my desk." Ethan nodded and found it. He handed it over to Connie and studied Lily carefully, watching her shake in Connie's arms. Connie sat Lily back on the sofa and held the bowl in front of her just in case.

"What if he finds out I told you?" Lily asked. "He'll be really mad at me. I know it."

"I promise I won't let him hurt you," Connie promised. "Just stay in here with me and I will make sure that no harm comes to you, okay?"

Lily nodded and whispered, "I'm scared."

"I know honey," Connie said sympathetically. "I know."

Lily suddenly leaned forwards and started retching, throwing up into the bowl. Ethan grimaced but gave her back a comforting rub whilst he sat next to her.

"You're okay Lily," Robyn comforted and gave her a reassuring smile. "You're okay. You're safe with us."


	16. Chapter 16

**ETWentHome: It is. More of Cal in this chapter :)**

 **CBloom2: It will and yes think I may have to write that soon :)**

 **CasualtyFanForever81: Thank you :)**

 **theverystuffoflife: Yeah all of my favourite people haha :)**

 **GypsyAbby: It has, you're right. He does need help and people are realising that :)**

 **Tato Potato: Haha I thought he might be angry, glad you like it :)**

 **Guest: Thanks. Sorry for the long wait in an update :)**

 **Chapter Sixteen**

"What's been going on Cal?" Zoe asked, after she'd finished fixing up his hand for him. Cal was just sat on the bed, cradling his injury, his lips pursed together angrily. "We need to know. Connie's talking to Lily but I need to hear it from you please. Have you been hurting her?"

"And the truth please," Dylan put in. He may not have shown much affection towards his colleagues but he did care an awful lot about Lily.

"Cal!" Zoe pushed him for an answer. "What's been going on?"

"I've been hurting her," Cal said. "Okay? Only because she deserves it though, she flips out at me as well. She makes me angry so she has it coming. You don't live with her, you don't know what it's like."

"She's your girlfriend for goodness sake," Zoe said. "She's in bits Caleb."

The door opened and Connie walked in.

"Dylan. Stay with him," Zoe sighed and left the room to go and speak to Connie. "He admitted it."

"What?" Connie asked, wide eyed. "Really?" Zoe nodded. "I wasn't expecting that. We need to call the police."

"Do we?" Zoe asked. "What if he isn't well Connie?"

"You're sounding like Lily now," Connie mumbled. "She's just said the same. We need to though Zoe, even if he isn't well. He's been abusing Lily. We have clear evidence; we've seen it, Robyn's just explained stuff to me, Lily's diary and Cal himself has just admitted it. If he's not well, we can help him but we still need to call the police."

"Okay." Zoe nodded her head with a small sigh. "I will make a phone call. How's Lily doing?"

"Not too good," Connie said. "But she's with Robyn and Ethan."

* * *

"I hate him," Ethan said. He was sat on the sofa in Connie's office and Lily was lay down, resting her head on his lap. "I could seriously kill him for what he's been doing to you. You don't deserve it Lily."

"Leave it Ethan," Lily sobbed and wiped a tear away from her eye. "I'm used to guys not liking me."

"Don't say that Lily," Robyn said. "You don't need a guy to be happy. Honestly."

"I like you," Ethan whispered but Lily just smiled wearily up at him, not quite sure what to do. "It's going to be okay Lily," Ethan comforted. "I know that that's easier said than done right now but it will."

"Do you really think so?" Lily choked out.

"Know so," Ethan said and kissed her temple. "Why didn't you tell us what he was doing to you?"

"I...I was scared..." Lily cried, swallowing hard. "I tried. Honestly I did. I was just so scared though. I...I didn't know what to do, I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologise Lily," Robyn said.

"Where did Connie go?" Lily asked.

"I think she went and had a chat with Zoe," Robyn said. "She was dealing with Cal. I think they're just discussing things. Either way Cal needs help, whether it's in jail or not."

"They're not going to lock him up, are they?" Lily asked, still in tears. "He'll blame me. It will make things worst."

"We'll see what happens," Ethan said, rubbing small circles up and down her arm. "Something needs to be done though. It won't make things worst, don't worry."

The sound of sirens was suddenly heard in the distance. Lily sat bolt upright and ran a sweaty hand through her hair. She gulped nervously and looked between Ethan and Robyn who both just shrugged their shoulders.

"It might just be Dixie coming back from an accident," Robyn suggested.

Lily scrambled off of the sofa and rushed towards the door. Ethan rolled his eyes and followed. He didn't overly want to leave her alone right now. Lily opened the door and walked out. Two policeman were standing there, attaching handcuffs to Cal. Lily swallowed hard and watched intensely, tears in her eyes. Cal had his eyes fixated on her the entire time before he was taken outside to the police car.

 **GUYS! I have just seen the Summer Casualty trailer and it looks brilliant! I almost had a heart attack haha. I won't say what happens in it in case people don't watch the spoilers but there was some lovely Lily and Ethan cuteness :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**Tanith Panic: Yeah let's hope so :)**

 **Tato Potato: Sorry for the long wait :)**

 **ETWentHome: Me too! I can't wait for the upcoming storylines :)**

 **sweeet-as-honey: More Lily and Ethan cuteness to come. Haha I do love Cal, I hate making him look like the bad character :)**

 **Chapter Seventeen**

"He deserves to be fucking arrested, Mrs Beauchamp!" Ethan shouted as he followed Connie up and down the corridor, trying his absolute best to get her to listen to him. "He had been abusing her for crying out loud!"

"Yes, Doctor Hardy," Connie sighed. "But he also deserves to be checked out by us doctor's. He's clearly not well."

"In my opinion, he should be locked up for thirty years," Ethan said. "Why didn't I see this coming? I saw that she was unhappy, I...Why didn't I do anything to help her?"

"Don't blame yourself, Ethan," Connie said. "He may get locked up. We don't know what will happen yet."

"Where's Lily?" Ethan asked.

Connie sighed before answering with, "she doesn't feel up for seeing anybody just yet."

"That doesn't answer my question," Ethan muttered under his breath, but Connie just walked away from him.

* * *

"Tissue?" Zoe asked, offering the box of lavender scented tissues to Lily. The junior doctor just faintly nodded her head and took one, before blowing her nose. "You should be happy," Zoe added. "He's at the police station."

"I love him," Lily whispered, looking up at him with tears in her eyes. "He can't go to prison, Zoe. He can't."

"Just sit there for me, lovely," Zoe said and placed the box of tissues down on the bedside table. She walked over to Lily and slowly lifted up her shirt, revealing the bruises on her stomach. "Do you see that there?"

Lily nodded, more tears streaming down her face.

"That's abuse," Zoe continued. "You've been constantly in pain because of what he has been doing to you. You can't have lived your whole life living in his shadow." Zoe pulled her shirt back down and rubbed her arm comfortingly, suddenly noticing the cuts on her wrist. "Are you going to be okay on your own? I was going to go and have a quick chat with Connie."

"I'll be fine," Lily reassured her.

Zoe patted her on the shoulder and walked off to speak to Connie. She was just making her way upstairs.

"Connie!" Zoe called, hurrying upstairs to talk to her.

"What is it, Doctor Hanna?" Connie sighed. "I was just going to go and have a quick word with Amy."

"Did you know that Lily had been self harming?" Zoe questioned her.

"Yes, I did," Connie sighed again, running a hand through her hair. "Why do you think she's been seeing Amy? I just need to go and tell her what's happened. We'll talk on the way."

Zoe nodded and headed upstairs with Connie.

"How'd you find out?" Connie asked, without making eye contact with Zoe.

"I saw the cuts on her wrists," Zoe said. "They looked self inflicted. I guessed that was what happened. I can't actually believe this."

"Join the club," Connie said, knocking on the door of Amy's office.

"Come in!" Amy called. Connie turned the handle and she and Zoe walked on it. "Connie! How's Lily doing?"

"Caleb has been arrested," Connie said. "Lily's quite shaken up. I was going to suggest that she spends the rest of the day in here if that's okay. I don't know if you have any appointments."

"I don't have any at all," Amy said. "I was just getting on with some paperwork. She can sit in here."

"I'll go and get her," Zoe said. She left Amy's office and made her way back down to the reception area and into the cubicle that Lily was in. She wasn't there.

* * *

"I'm here to see Caleb Knight," Lily whispered.

"Jewellery in here," the man said sternly and handed a metal tray over. "That includes watches, necklaces, bracelets, rings. Also any food or drink, phones, iPods, any other electronics. I also need your belt if you're wearing one."

Lily nodded, putting everything she had into the tray. She was nervous, scared, anxious. She was led through to a huge room where prisoners sat at desks, talking briefly to their loved ones. Lily was sat down in a chair and soon she spotted Cal walking in, wearing an orange sash.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, sitting down opposite her and crossing his arms. "You put me in this hell hole."

"I um...I wanted to see if you were okay," Lily stammered quietly. "I'm sorry, Cal. Everything's my fault, I'm the one who got you in this mess."

"Yeah," Cal scoffed, before sighing. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" Lily asked.

"You know what for," Cal said. "For...I've been a crap boyfriend to you. You may have called the cops on me but I guess I deserved you."

"I'm to blame though, right?" Lily said. "I anger you. That's why you do what you do."

"No," Cal whispered. "You've been an amazing girlfriend, Lily. You don't deserve me. I'm sick, okay? I...I guess I belong in here. You need to move on, find someone else and just forget about me."

"No," Lily sobbed.

"I'll probably be guilty at the court case," Cal said. "Who knows how long I'll be in here? You can't wait for me, you don't deserve me."

"I love you," Lily cried.

"And I love you," Cal said. "But I can't give you a happy relationship and I know that's what you really want."

"Miss," a policeman said, tapping Lily on the shoulder. "You have to go now."

"But I haven't even been here that long," Lily pointed out.

"I asked for no visitors," Cal told her. "Said I didn't mind seeing you for a couple of minutes though."

"I can't go back to the ED without you," Lily cried.

"You have to," Cal said. "Ethan will look after you." And he stood up and walked away slowly to his cell, smiling sweetly at Lily as he went.

Lily allowed her tears to fall, as she went back and collected her things. Once she was outside the prison, she burst out crying, unable to take it everything that had happened.

"Lily?" A familiar voice whispered.

It was Ethan.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, looking across at him.

"Zoe said you'd gone missing," Ethan said, walking over and standing in front of her. "I guessed you'd be here."

"I can't believe he's gone," Lily sobbed, falling into his arms.

"I know beautiful," Ethan soothed, hugging her tightly and rubbing her back. "It's okay. He's gone now; you can move on, get on with your life. I promise that I am not going to let anything bad happen to you ever again," he whispered, tears pricking his own eyes. "I care about you so much, Lily. I love you."


	18. Chapter 18

**Gillian Kearney Fan: Lots more Ethan and Lily to come :)**

 **LillyMayFlower: Thank you, I'm so glad you liked it :)**

 **Tato Potato: It was really sweet, you've got to love Ethan :)**

 **sweeet-as-honey: Thank you, I'm so bad at updating this story haha. Thanks for your lovely review :)**

 **ETWentHome: It did and I knew everyone would like the ending line :)**

 **Guest: Thank you. I'm also obsessed with Lily and Ethan :)**

 **Is-there-somewhere-x: I hope so as well :)**

 **Chapter Eighteen**

Cal was guilty.

Since the court case, Lily hadn't been to work and Ethan had tried to spend as much time as possible with her. The two of them had recently started dating but Ethan was very understanding when Lily wanted to be alone. He had to admit that it was hard, Lily found it difficult to be affectionate after everything that had happened with Cal. She'd been going to see Amy at the ED twice a week and Connie usually popped round to the house to talk to her when she had some time.

It was a Monday and Ethan had been called into Connie's office during work.

"How's Lily?" She asked him.

"Um...Getting there," Ethan answered. "Not too sure to be honest. She keeps having nightmares but she's asleep when I leave for work in the morning."

"And how are you?" Connie asked.

Ethan shrugged his shoulders and hung his head. He wasn't sure what to say.

"I know it's hard," Connie said. "But you need to stay really strong for Lily. It's harder for her now, especially because Cal's gone to prison."

"I just can't believe that he's been doing that to her," Ethan said.

"I know," Connie sighed. "None of us can. Lily is coming in later for a session with Amy. I might have a quick word with her." Ethan nodded. "Go on. Go and distract yourself. I'll let you know when Lily arrives, Zoe said she was going to go and pick her up."

"Thanks Mrs Beauchamp," Ethan thanked her, before leaving the office.

Lily didn't say a word to anyone when she arrived. She hadn't said a single word to Zoe either. She stood in the entrance of the ED, waiting in silence when Connie walked over.

"Hey sweetheart, come here," Connie said, walking over and giving her a hug. Lily nodded and hugged her back, tears pricking her eyes. "You okay?" When Lily didn't answer, she looked over at Zoe.

"She hasn't said anything since I picked her up," Zoe whispered.

"Okay," Connie sighed and stroked Lily's hair. "Lily. Amy isn't due to see you for another hour so how about we go to my office and have a chat? I can make you a hot chocolate."

"Okay," Lily whispered, choking back a sob.

Connie gave her back a rub and the two of them headed off to the office. Lily wiped her tears and took a seat on the sofa, whilst Connie grabbed her a mug of hot chocolate.

"Are you okay?" Connie asked and then realised what she'd said. "Sorry. Stupid question."

"I just blame myself," Lily whispered, sipping at her hot chocolate. "Cal's in prison."

"That isn't your fault," Connie comforted her. "Okay? It isn't your fault at all."

"Then why do I feel like it is?" Lily sobbed.

"Ethan tells me you two have started dating," Connie said and Lily nodded. "How is that?"

"Good," Lily replied. "He's been good but I...I don't think I'm ready for kissing and...Stuff like that."

"That's understandable," Connie said. "And Ethan understands that don't worry." Lily just nodded her head faintly, holding the mug of hot chocolate in her hands. "Can I ask you something? Have you um...Have you still been cutting?"

"Yeah," Lily answered quietly. "I...I can't help it."

"Look. We're going to get you help, alright?" Connie said, hugging her gently. "I promise you. We'll help you."

"I don't know if I can be helped," Lily sobbed, wiping at one of her eyes with her sleeve.

"You can," Connie reassured her. "It'll take time but you can be helped. You have me, Zoe, Ethan, Amy and everyone else in the ED. I can assure you that no one here is on Caleb's side."

"I want to go and see him," Lily cried.

"That isn't a good idea," Connie said. "You need closure."

"I still love him though," Lily whimpered and Connie let out a heavy sigh. "I...I just want my life back to normal, back to the way it was."

Connie gave her a sympathetic smile and hugged her gently again. She knew that it was hard for Lily and that it'd take her a long time to get herself back to normal again.

 **Just one more chapter to go guys. I'll miss this story.**


	19. Epilogue

It was the middle of December. Lily walked along the park, listening to the snow crunch beneath her feet. In her arms, she held her her daughter Emily. The two year old was fast asleep, wrapped up warm and clinging to Lily's coat as hard as she possibly could. Lily smiled and stroked Emily's hair, planting a kiss on her forehead.

"Okay?" Ethan asked as he walked over, holding four year old Kia's hand.

"Yeah," Lily whispered, glancing down at her oldest daughter. "Did you see Santa?"

Kia nodded, sticking her thumb into her mouth. "He gave me a present," she said.

"We also got something for Em," Ethan said and gave Lily's cheek a kiss. "Are you ready to go home?" Lily nodded, smiling lovingly at her husband. "Come on then. Kia's getting tired herself."

"I'll be right there," Lily said.

Ethan nodded and lifted Kia into his arms before walking away to the car. Lily smiled to herself and glanced around one more time. She shifted Emily in her arms and looked over to where she saw a familiar figure watching them. She squinted, trying to make out who it was. He definitely looked familiar to her. It took a few minutes but she soon knew who it was and she let out a heavy sigh. After all these years, she wasn't sure if she'd see him again.

"Bye Lily," the figure whispered and gave her a nod.

"Bye Caleb," Lily muttered under her breath, nodding back at him.

And Cal smiled, knowing that Lily was now happy and had moved on with her life. He then walked away off into the distance. Maybe they'd meet again one day or maybe this was the end of them. All Cal knew was that he had to let her move on and by doing that, he had to leave altogether.

"Who was that, Mummy?" Emily asked.

Lily looked down to see that her daughter had suddenly woken up. "Just an old friend," Lily whispered with tears in her eyes and she gave her little girl a loving kiss. "A very old friend indeed."

 **I was actually in tears writing this chapter. I don't even know why. I get so emotional :) I kind of feel sad because Lily's happy now, married to Ethan with kids and even though Cal is out of prison, he's had to leave and let everyone move on. Why do I feel sorry for Cal? Haha, I hope you liked the story guys :)**


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